It is my mission to provide a primer for Big Soccer Newbies; to share some of the collective Big Soccer knowledge with the less knowledable; to save them from smartass remarks when they ask stupid questions. This is your one stop resource for real BigSoccer knowledge. The FAQ is nice, but the real skinny is as follows: BigSoccer.com--an internet message community where strangers from around the world can read and post messages. Sometimes discussions about soccer occur. Responsible for countless dollars and productivity hours lost to the Global economy. USA Mens Forum--This is where myopic, pompous, irrational people post ridiculous, baseless opinions regarding things including but not exclusively: Bruce Arena's tenure as coach of the USMNT, the inability of each and every player to perform to expectations, Clint Mathis' sexuality, Freddy Adu, Micheal Ricketts' capacity to be capped, David Regis' shortcomings as a human being directly relative to the fact that he's a no good Frenchy, and lots more. Business and Media Forum--formerly named "Place Where Whiny Bitches Post Every Instance of Soccer Being Insulted in the Media Forum" Jack--Edwards, main play-by-play man for soccer broadcasts on ESPN/ABC. People whose lives revolve around soccer and nothing else hate him. People who have gotten laid since the Reagan administration appreciate his true genius. Ty--Keough, main color man for soccer broadcasts on ESPN/ABC. Best known for stealing catch phrases from the "Dell Dude" Polls--best used as a euphamism for "penis," but many idiots insist on creating them, the results are conclusively irrelevant and worthless. Posters of Korean Ethnicity--highly sensitive creatures who are generally not amused at others' bewilderment regarding their culinary traditions. Also renowned for their feats of engineering marvel such as making mountains out of molehills. Will as a last resort post your personal information on the boards in hope that someone will drive to your house and throw dogmeat at your door. ABMOD--Ankle Biting Midget O' Death--aka Ritchie Williams--aka Mini Bruce Troll--over or underweight teenage kids who cruise the boards, attempting to stir up trouble by posting incendiary comments with the intention of ruffling the feathers of more sensitive posters. Trolls are usually carded and banned. To interact with real trolls--click here! Sockpuppet--an alias screenname. Trolls often use this strategy to extend their tenure on Big Soccer after a ban. Also see: Futsal Fred, Ted Cikoski, et. al. Aimer--self employed model hailing from either the San Fernando Valley or Rivertucky. Has unique ability to center even the most abstract discussion on herself. Often confuses having appeared on television with having talent. Is in love with Mike Segroves. Mike Segroves-- poster rumoured to be Huss and Jonny Quest's sockpuppet. "City planner from OK" is a clever ruse devised by the administrators in order to log on and flame the very people who support their site. The most incendiary poster on Big Soccer who is never carded, thus adding to the conspiracy. Big Soccer Premium Member--person who posts on Big Soccer that has a job. Rivalry Fora--where a few witty people and countless *********************s hangout. For every amusing post you are required to sift through 5 "scoreboard" posts, 3 "how many cups have you won" posts, 7 posts rife with gaysmack, and after you are finished reading Topper and Garcia's posts, then you must read 1 post per MLS team with a trite spin on the team's name ala Galaxitives. Gaysmack--the lowest common denominator of smack. Only the feeble minded resort to this. Momsmack--only the most feeble minded resort to this. Rivalry XI--nobody really knows. Don't start a competing board with Big Soccer or they will come and humilate you. NorthGoalGang--Adam Carrola/Dr. Drew of Big Soccer. Seek advice and you shall receive his wisdom. Referee Forum--Where actually intelligent people post USA News and Analysis Forum--Where people who think that they're actually intelligent post *************--most likely someone typed some ************ed up mother************ing ************ that didn't make it past the mother************ing censors Bump--this is how people make sure we have to read their crap, by "bumping" it up to the top of the boards where it receives the most prominent position based on the theory of "the primacy of the last post" Smilies--how fags infuse their posts with emotion! Please feel free to add to this wonderful resource as you, my Big Soccer Brethren, see fit.