Bronzed women strut their stuff: 2011 Swedish Football Awards

It's that time of year again: time for the Swedish Football award extravaganza! Previous years have featured strange answers to harmless questions ("My mother was worried about me going to play football in America because what if there are no potatoes there?"), strange fashion choices (Schelin's "Pirates of the Caribbean" homage, Hingst's potato sack), and even, occasionally, strange choices for awards that backfire (Frida Östberg getting 'player of the year' as a sort of lifetime achievement award, then going back on her retirement decision).

In 2003, with World Cup silver medals under their belts, several players accepted makeovers for the event, and the results were... memorable. Let's hope that this year, with the bronze medals, they will be at the top of their game, fashion-wise. And if they have had a little too much wine at the accompanying dinner, then maybe, just maybe, if we all close our eyes and wish hard enough, maybe we'll have a repeat of the time that Certain Umeå Players got a little carried away and tried to join the Entertainment.

You can follow along, kinda sorta live-ish (frequently updated still pictures), at Aftonbladet.

In the 'It Would Be Righteous' category, for instance, maybe we can hope that Marie Hammarström will get 'Goal of the Year' for her strike against France in the bronze medal game. A well-struck goal in an important match, what's not to like? The other women's nominee is Frida Nordin's long-range strike for LdB FC Malmö against Örebro. Voting is ongoing.

A few awards have already been announced: Palqvist gets 'Ref of the Year'; Margret Lara Vidarsdottir wins 'Goal Queen' (16 goals for LdB); Sofia Jakobsson gets 'This Year's Young 'Un'.

Seger, in animal-print tights.

Sjögran, in orange heels, paint-on jeans, and a top made of gauze.

Looks like a normal night in Stureplan so far...

Schelin gets Forward of the year, dares to rub Zlatan's face in it.

What is she wearing in her hair? (And why is that guy clinging to her so?)

(From that Jakobsson picture, it seems she was wise enough to stay far away in Russia?)

Finally given in to temptation and watching it this year.

Dahlkvist and her dad give out the defender award...

So far, Dahlkvist is the clear winner of the 'made up beyond recognition' award. Forsberg, in a gold sugar sack, gets the 'who told her to wear THAT?' award. Fisher did a good job of lookin' tough.

The team's dance was given a score of -3 by someone. Oh come on, it wasn't that bad...

I liked the crutches she accessorised with, though. She came careering through one of the female presenter's camera spots, looking rather dangerous. Good stuff.

That was the judge for Swedish Let's Dance ("Dancing with the Stars"), who protested vociferously when Victoria Svensson was turfed out of the contest. As well as being a former competition dancer, he also has a shady past as same-sex dance instructor for the local lesbian & gay organisation.

High point of the show so far. Bored as ******** with Zlatan's bored face and the Zlatan worship so far.

Smulan! Welcome to the party. Didja catch Eric Saade there? Sounded like he forgot to turn on the Autotune, poor fellow.

Does men's football in Sweden get played with one player only? I don't think I've ever heard of any other male player besides Zlatan.

Not quite: joint top scorer in that case. Don't forget banjo/cow's arse girl, Manon Melis.

WOW! I didn't think this was going to happen, even if it is just and right: Bachmann won best midfielder over Golden Girl Seger.

Wait, isn't this available online at http://www.fotbollskanalen.se/video?videoid=1634910&treeId=3060103 ? Or is it geo-blocked?

EDIT: Amazingly enough, it is.

Feathers, I believe. They're all the rage. Every Miss Universe contestent was wearing them. Tell ya what, I wish Zlatan would just give in and wear them too. He could carry off the Iroquois look quite well these days.

Platini struts on-stage to Bittersweet Symphony .

My favorite is defender Olof Mellberg, who won back of the year. But... yeah, not so many.

Look for the Rolling Stones to sue the SvFF, as they did Verve, for that 5-second snippet of 'Bittersweet Symphony'.

Best league player: Bachmann. Cross on the ceiling, as we say.

Bachmann is wearing a strapless black and gold tier dress. Her male equivalent looks considerably more ridiculous and speaks considerably less Swedish.

Goalie of the Year Kristin Hammarström? Really??

Admit it, you just wanted to see Lindahl in a silly dress.

Seen her already. She was on the stage for the national team celebration (all of 2 minutes, including a TV boss hijacking the microphone and talking about the men's team).

As predicted (and despite my votes), Kim Källström won the Goal of the Year category. Goals by female players never win.

Nothing makes me want to read up on lesbian separatism like the Swedish annual football awards.

Better than Lindahl, who's had plenty of previous appearances in a silly dress.

Meanwhile Lil' Kim... Sigh. Oh well. It was a great goal, sure.

Is Domanski-Lyfors wearing a snake-print dress?

The diamond ball, which is neither made of diamonds nor a ball, but more reminiscent of that ugly crystal vase that Great Aunt Grace used to use for her dentures, goes to Lotta Schelin. The music as she goes onstage tells her "You are so beautiful tonight". The men's equivalent (the gold ball, which is actually shaped like a ball and golden) is handed out to much butcher tones that make no mention of Zlatan's physical appearance ("We are the champs"). He takes the opportunity to bitch back at Schelin, saying that she has quite a way to catch up on him. How massively tasteful the whole spectacle has been.

Miss Swiss.


And Lotta, who looks like she's speaking at someone's funeral, except for the red nails.

I wondered if he had said what I thought he said, then I thought no, surely I misunderstood. Huh. Well, here's hoping she does just that, and makes him eat
his words.

It'd be kind of cute for the two of them to start a sibling-rivalry sort of relationship. 'Mo-o-o-m, he said my Champions League title doesn't count!' 'But Mo-o-o-m, she started it, she said my national team stinks!'