Attention Conspiracy Theorists: Did you know the Galaxy...

I figured we should have our own thread on Galaxy conspiracy theorys. Why should everyone else have all the fun.

Did you know the Galaxy...
may have Galaxy Undercover Loyalists (GULs) on other teams throughout MLS. For the safety of the players we can not release the potential names. However, a few hints on possible players over the playoffs: There were a couple players for SJ who missed wide open shots on goal in the Galaxy v. SJ playoffs. Could they be GULs? Let's not forget a possible GUL who left the game early with an injury in the second leg. Did he fake the injury to help ensure the Galaxy would have a better chance at winning? Also, Seattle could potentially have too many GULs to name based on the first leg of the conference finals. Could one be Sigi with his awful game tactics for the first leg? Could one be Montero for keeping his playoff scoring drought intact? What about Johansson who decided to play "airplane" in the box while Keane had the ball? We can say for sure that it wasn't the AR who incorrectly called offsides since he also let a Montero handball go in the play that led to Seattle's first goal. We know the ref wasn't a possible GUL since he didn't award a PK on the first handball in the box earlier on in the game (which was similar to the non-handball by Franklin in the first leg). What about Garber? Nevermind...he forced the Galaxy to play on fake grass (doesn't matter if it is the newest most realistic turf in the universe, which is called marketing...at the end of the day it is concrete covered with fake grass).

This must be the case, what else could it be? It definitely couldn't be that these teams are responsible for their lack of finishing and not playing solid soccer for 180 minutes.

Did you know the Galaxy...

Is run by Mike Magee. That's right, Mike Magee. Not Uncle Phil. Not David Beckham. Not even Bruce Arena. No one but Mike Magee. Because Magee said so.

...had a hand in the 2012 election. They couldn't see a man who doesn't like soccer in the White House so they decided to give Obama another term

Did seattle put u up to this?

In a way...I've been reading so many ridiculous theories about how the Galaxy rig everything (Seattle has some good ones) that I figured we could have fun with it ourselves. Let's just say...Seattle and SJ's crazy ideas "inspired" me.

By the way...did you know the Galaxy are the reason Hostess factories are shutting down?

I find it hilarious that Sounders fans come up with theories about how LA is buying wins, and yet see no irony in the fact that Seattle, quite literally, bought home-field advantage throughout the US Open Cup three of the last four years, and then lost in the final when they finally got out-bid.

What a fantastic point.

Or San Jose? They have some good ones too.

Did you know the Galaxy...

Invented Seattle, who invented everything else that they claim they invented?

Can some one list all the Good SJ , Seattle shinanagins?

There's not enough bandwidth on the entire internet to list them all in one place.

It's a well known fact that the LA Galaxy was the second gunman on the grassy knoll...

What's the difference between the Loch Ness Monster and an Even-Tempered, Sane San Jose Earthquake fan?

One's a fanciful figment of overactive imaginations that many have claimed to see but in reality doesn't exist.



And the other is just a big fish.

Did you know the Galaxy...

Put Steven Lenhart on the FBI's Top 10 Most Wanted List for being "simply a flat-out douchebag to all mankind"? (His time lasted a few months and he was replaced by Alexis Flores.)

Did you know the Galaxy...

Also owns SoCal Edison and has arranged for power outages on every Houston possession of 4 passes or more?

Houston still thinks the power outage during the 2009 WCF happened on purpose.....

There was no second shooter. It was Beckham. It was just his incredibly precise aim and uncanny ability to bend shots that made it seem like two shooters.

It’s mostly run of the mill confirmation bias that we all have, but taken to a Glenn Beck-ian level of absurdity. It’s funny how many games were rigged last season when the Quakes went 8-12-14 and how so few this season when they went 19-6-9 (Can you guess which Galaxy game was rigged?). TiffanySue, falvo and generation z are three of my favorite crazy people there.

Of course there are the ones that are true: Alexi Lalas was installed by AEG as the GM of San Jose solely for the purpose trading away their position in the allocation order so Landon could be signed by LA (true!); AEG did move The Earthquakes because they were upset San Jose had as many MLS Cups as LA; AEG did rig the last two play-offs; last year to ensure Beckham got his MLS Cup, this year to make sure investors see both of their franchises they’re looking to sell. But seriously don’t let any San Jose fans see this, it’s info just for the chosen fans.

Did you know the Galaxy...

Were responsible for telling Roman Abromovich to replace Roberto Di Matteo with Rafael Benitez.

This post really confused me. Does this mean that Galaxy hate Abramovich? Or Benetiz? Or both? Hard to say.

Over-under on the amount of time Benetiz lasts in my book is 9 months.

Maybe, maybe not. But this leads to another thing. Did you know the Galaxy...

Are run not just by AEG, but specifically the AEG Illuminati, a old-but-really-young-boy-network of under 100 strong that is responsible for a majority of the world's football sackings such as what happened at Stamford Bridge? They are also responsible for a number of other world-shaking events, such the death of Kim Jong Il, the beatification of Pope John Paul II and the recent cease-fire that happened in Gaza. Every news story you see on CNN...the AEG Illuminati had at least a middle finger or two in guiding the eventual outcome.

Adam Weishaupt, spiritual ancestor of Phil Anschutz and the AEG Illuminati.

Did you know The Galaxy,
1.Was told to beat San Jose So bad that they had to close the franchise for a couple of years just to recover.
2.LA Beat Seattle so bad that they had to give the money back to their fans in shame.
3.Landon Donovan went to Back to Germany to have a special procedure done to remove the cancerous blue growth he grew after wearing those god forsaken kits. Before donning the sacred vestments of LA.

To be fair I only know number three to be absolutely true.

Hahaha number 3 is hilarious!

Not true - this is what really happened: