Argh.. My Parents!

Discussion in 'Parenting & Family' started by Impossible6, Apr 1, 2012.

  1. Impossible6

    Impossible6 Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2011
    Location:
    Australia
    Club:
    Central Coast Mariners
    I hate them, at least right now, especially my mum.

    Here's some background info: My mother accidentally came pregnant with me, and when i was a toddler, left my Dad because they always fought. Mum dropped out of school in Year 9, has smoked since 15yrs old, and has little work experience. She's been unemployed ever since she quit at a photography printng business. She only got the job then because my father worked there at the same time. Mum now is unemployed, but cleans her friends houses for like 50 a week or something. She married my now step-dad when I was sixish and now we live all live together with my six year old sister. My step-father is the 'bread-winner', he works full-time as a landscaper. Both my parents smoke very regularly, don't eat very well, and I think they are very consumed by their comfort zones.

    My mum is a bitch, simply put. She makes me out to be the bad guy in every argument. My step dad always takes her side, but rarely gets involved. Here's an example of a fight we had, this one happened just 15 mins ago: Mum's raging because I havn't put my towel up. I keep telling her to calm down, it's just a towel. She carries on and on until I looked her in the eyes and told her to shutup. I left and went to my room. And she kept raging as told her that she's a horrible person. I implied several times that I was going to put it my towel up in a second. She went outside screaming, saying that she hates "every single one of us" (as in the whole family).

    She uses the most rude tone of voice, and makes mean remarks. I stand up to her, I don't feel like she should be allowed to act like god just because she's my mum. She says that I don't have the righht to 'back-chat' and raise my voice to her because she's the mother, and I'm the son.

    One of the things I HATE about my parents is that they don't support my dreams. I want to be a professional footballer, they kkow this very well. I work my ********ing ass off to live my dream. They complain about having to drive me to training/games, they simply won't ever buy me new gear (boots etc.), when I need it they chase up my grandparents for money, stingy as when they have the money. They never say that they are proud of me. I'm on my own in developing my future.

    Also, in general, they don't give me money for shit. I am trying so hard to get a job, but it's not happening.

    /end rant. I can't tell if I'm just being a stupid teenager with no real problems or if my parents really are doing me wrong. All comments/advice apreciated.


  2. NHRef

    NHRef Member+

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2004
    Location:
    Southern NH
    Ok, this is coming from the perspective of a parent of 19 and 21 year old sons, so take that for what it's worth

    Few things:

    - don't assume you know ANYTHING about their financial state.

    - You are fighting over you not cleaning up after yourself. Well if your Mum wants it done, why aren't you doing it? I 100% agree with her, you don't talk back to parents, period, end of discussion. My guess is the towel is just an example of you not following what she wants done. Simple as that.

    - Telling her to "shut up". Sorry if one of my kids had EVER done that to me or my wife, game over. Unacceptable in any situation.

    - complaining about driving you to practice etc. Hmmm, something is amiss here. How much practice, how far, how much money to join the team. Yes I believe parents should support this, but it sounds like other factors are in play such as their time and money, combine that with the fact that you can't seem to clean up after yourself (the towel I would guess is just a single item in a pattern) and it shows you don't help around the house or respect them, so tell me again why they should help you? Yes as a parent they should be TRYING to support you, however, it's not a one way street. Your behaviour around the house can add to or detract from, the willingness and ability to help you. It's a HUGE time committment from a parent to taxi drive a kid to soccer practice, games, etc.

    - They don't "give you" money? Why should they? Again, you don't know about their financial situation, but there's no reason they should "give you" money if you aren't even helping keep your house clean. Do you do chores around the house? Do you help with your sibling? They ARE giving you money, its called food, warm house etc.

    Can't tell if you have "no real problems" or if you do. However you come across as a self-entitled, spoiled brat who thinks his parents role in life is to hand over everything that he wants.

    Sounds like your Mom had a rough start to life and you were brought into it. Here's a suggestion, have you actually sat down CALMLY with your Mom and talked about things? If not, why not? From how you describe things (telling her to shut up, it's only a towel, ignoring what she wants), it sounds like there are issues on your end.
  3. Val1

    Val1 Member+

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2004
    Location:
    MD's Eastern Shore
    Club:
    Arsenal FC
    I feel for you, 6, I really do. NHRef made a couple of salient points, but as he said, he is coming at this from the perspective of the parent. I am, too, with kids 13 and 16. But my household now, and the one I grew up in, don't sound as dysfunctional as you've described yours to be.

    It sounds to me that your mom, and possibly your step-dad, lack the coping skills of being a parent. My theory is that parents become mentally and emotionally "stuck" at the age they are when they first become parents. One thing both NHRef and I can tell you is that it is very hard to be a good parent. It takes effort, patience and maturity, and maybe your mom lacks that. Not your fault, but something you have to deal with.

    Respect is a two way street. It has to be earned, but it has to be given. Do you respect your parents? You've made it sound like they don't respect you, but maybe you have to give a little here. It is also their house, their rules, so maybe you have to be a little quicker on picking up the towel. My feeling is that you shouldn't have to be told to pick up your towel, but once your mother has asked, even if not asked nicely, you should get right on it. You can make your life easier by picking your battles with your parents, and a towel, even if it is just the most recent example, shouldn't be one.

    I fully agree with NHRef re the money issue. You can never assume you know your parents' financial situation, even if they bring it up first. I'm sorry that you feel neglected by their unwillingness/inability to get you the gear you need, and that you feel unable to provide for yourself by way of getting a job. All I can say is that lots of us have started out in various levels of poverty, and some never really escape it, but you have to be merciless in your ranking the nice-to-haves as opposed to the things that you want. If getting money for cleats is hard, and being a footballer is your life's ambition, well, then, asking for money to eat out or go to the movies is only going to make living at home harder.

    And last, it doesn't sound like they respect your ambition of becoming a footballer. You must know the odds are against you, even if at your level, you are the next coming of Jack Wilshere. Being a failed footballer doesn't make much, and maybe they just want something better for you. You need a backup plan, whether it is education, a trade, a hobby you can parlay into a career. As I said previously, you have to earn their respect, and if all they see of you is your just wanting to kick a ball around, no matter how hard you work at it, they will have a tougher time respecting you. Heck, most of us on this message board probably had dreams at one time of playing professional sports.

    And as for the back talk, well, there you are the typical teen engaging in a time-honored tradition of negotiating your growth and independence in relation to your parents. We all went through that stage to some degree. And we all experience with our kids as well. All I can tell you is that I don't tolerate it in my house. My kids know that if they ever told me to shut up the sky would fall on them. My daughter, once, gave me the "whatever" and I lit into her. As an example from my adolescence, my brother and I were the dish washers in our house. We never had a dish washer. And my mom would go and on about how I was supposed to do the dishes "happily". I did lots of dishes, but I never did them happily. Your back talking needs to stop, and you have to be the one to do it. You probably feel put on by your parents, and in the case you have described, you may have a point. But, and this is a big but, they are your parents and they deserve to run their house as they see fit.

    Hope this helps. Let us know how it goes.
  4. StiltonFC

    StiltonFC Viking Pineapple Presents

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2007
    Location:
    SoCal
    Club:
    Liverpool FC
    Country:
    United States
    There are always two sides to these kinds of dramatic conflicts: from your point of view, your parents are uncouth, underachieving, self-absorbed jerks who take little interest in the real you; from their perspective, you are a lazy teenager who doesn't contribute all that much to what is needed for the family to function.

    now to specific issues:

    diet and smoking -- you're never going to have significant impact on their conduct. you're not in a position to regulate your own diet that much unless you work and earn money for your own food, so you're a bit stuck unless something changes. it it were me, i would try to find a job doing something that would give me spending money, if it's only cleaning windows. all you need is a bucket, a rag, a squeegee, and some vinegar.

    verbal interchanges -- don't talk back. do what you're told, promptly. give them little reason to complain. if your mom yells at you, tell her that you wish she would talk to you in a normal tone of voice, and say that calmly.

    i do sympathize with your predicament, but as long as they are supporting you, feeding, housing and clothing you, you're the kid, and the expectation is that you do what you're told, as long as it's not completely unreasonable.

    we have no way of knowing whether you have the potential to make a living in professional sports, but that's something that some parents look at as self-indulgent. maybe it is, maybe it isn't. but unless they think you're doing all this practicing for the benefit of your family ( listen to what lots of athletes say they mean to do if they make it big -- buy their parents a nice house, etc ) it looks like self-indulgence to them, and they look at your unwillingness to pick up after yourself as an example of putting yourself ahead of your family. you can't win that battle.


  5. JeffUreta

    JeffUreta New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2012
    Club:
    FC Barcelona
    we have no reason to hate our parents, in your case its normal just don't be selfish and i promise you everything will be rigth.
  6. Impossible6

    Impossible6 Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2011
    Location:
    Australia
    Club:
    Central Coast Mariners
    Thanks everyone. I wrote this whilst angry I guess I was trying to make myself spund like the victim. All is well at the moment at home.
  7. Val1

    Val1 Member+

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2004
    Location:
    MD's Eastern Shore
    Club:
    Arsenal FC
    Of course you were angry. That's what the internet is for.... Glad to hear that things are better at home. No, go out and do something nice for your mum.

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