Since any idea that might be used anywhere else in the world will automatically get you called a Euro-snob, let's just go all out and Americanize the heck out of MLS! I say call in NSL. National Soccer League. Now, we hate those Euro names. Can't have a non-American soccer name in an American soccer league. So rebrand 'em again! NATIONAL CONFERENCE: New England Revolution (we can keep it, it's American sounding) Chicago Bears Soccer Team (Fire is too close to European, so just go with the NFL team name; also it can't be an FC, so here we go with Soccer Team) Columbus Crewsers (Crew by itself is too Eastern Europe, but add the "sers" at the end, and it's more American) Toronto Maplenauts Soccer Team (Can't just go Argonaut, because that's not American enough, so combine the Maple Leafs with the Argonauts) Houston Texan-Houstoners (Nothing more American than Texas, except doubling down on the Texas in the nickname) Washington DC National Senator Congressmen (Can't offend the Native Americans, so we'll just combine the two other American names. plus what's more DC than a National Senator?) New York Bulls (Hey, Bulls is American and masculine!) Kansas City Tornadoes (Fits with that Wizard of Oz theme much better than Wizards ever did) Philadelphia Union Labels (risk offending the right wing, but Look for the Union Label is very American) AMERICAN CONFERENCE Los Angeles Galaxy Warriors (Galaxy? Kinda stupid and unAmerican. Galaxy Warriors? that's tough) San Francisco Natural Disasters (San Jose isn't American enough, but San Fran is-they have NFL and MLB; Natural Disasters is even more destructive than just an earthquake) Los Angeles American Goats (CD Chivas USA just isn't feasible) Denver Rocky Mountains (need I even say more) Dallas Ranchers Soccer Team (Ranchers! Texas!) Seattle SuperHawks (again, just combine the two NFL-NBA names to get a really awesome American name) Portland Lumberjacks (Timbers? Too vague. America spells it out) Salt Lake Mormons (Again, got to make it obvious) Vancouver Foreigners (Hey, they are!) Now, for the playoffs, we just got to copy the NFL more. So, you can only make the playoffs if your NFL franchise made it that past season. Regular season shouldn't really mean anything except getting to the post season. If you don't have an NFL franchise, you move to the MLB playoffs. Goals will count for seven points now. No ties, but if tied at end of game, we go to the penalty kicks because Americans actually like those. No yellow cards or red, just ten yard penalties. Each half is divided into 15 minute quarters 5 timeouts and 3 20-second timeouts per team per quarter If you win the MLS Cup, you must swap rosters with whichever team finished last. PLUS, they get to draft two players for every one of yours to level the field. Tackling is allowed. Shoulder pads and helmets are not optional. If it does go to PK's, each team is allowed one Designated Kicker to take the place of a player. Fouls in the box are worth two PK's. Of course, no offsides. And no goalkeepers. Now we've got a soccer league! But we can't call it soccer, so we'll go with Fake Football. The National Fake Football League. NFFL. AND, bonus, it's close enough to NFL that it might fool some people into watching! Unlimited subs.