Having a tough time; seeking advice. My son is 13 years old and -- if you ask him -- intends to buy his mother a home in Spain when he plays for Barcelona. In other words, the game is his passion. He is actually a really smooth player that has been recruited by other clubs in the past, but we've always stayed with the "B-level" club for which he is playing. He is a leader on his team and plays nearly every minute of every game. Recently, he has been recruited pretty hard by the 3-time State champion team that has an A-licensed coach that is (claimed) to be pretty well connected to various top-level college coaches. He would fit right in on the better team; they play a style of soccer that is in line with his skills. However, he has friends on his present team, I am involved with his club (as an executive board member), and his coach happens to be my best friend. I also think that there are larger life-skills to be learned: how to be a leader; how to deal with adversity; working to make a team better rather than jumping to play with a better team. My head says to keep him where he is because I think he is has more opportunity to develop in a well-rounded fashion (and I am a pretty loyal person). My gut says to give him the opportunity to play at a higher level (yet my gut aches when I think about it!). Does it really matter whether he plays for a top team (that plays pretty soccer) at this age with regard to future opportunities? Anyone have any words of wisdom? I just want to do what's best for him.
The b team that the is playing for now. Do they have a chance to win their division. If they do win will their coach put them in the A division next season? Does your league have a select team? If they do the chances are the coach of the select team will only take players from the A division and not from the B division. It is probably true that a three time state cup winner has some pull with college coaches. My head tells me he should go out for this A team. But it should be his idea and not yours. If he wants to play at the best level he can play at the B teams is not where he should be playing.
I certainly understand the predicament you are in with being so involved in the club that you are at presently. However, given his age I would say that yes the move is one that should be strongly considered. At 10-12 years old I think an argument could be made for staying where you are. However as you start to hit the middle teens it is getting towards the time that you do need a bigger stage if you truly aspire to go to the next level. College recruiting starts earlier and earlier, and there is also an aspect of improvement that comes from training and competing with a higher level of talent. I would encourage you to look at the move myself.
The thing you have to think about is what is best for your son and family. Typically the associated cost with playing on the other team could be significant both monetarily and pyschologically. When you say B team, how does his current team stack up against other teams in the state or region, and are they improving staying stagnant, or getting overtaken by other clubs. Is your son getting good quality coaching. Is your best friend continually looking to improve himself, or is the club doing that. If that's the case then staying with a club that is working itself up the ladder isn't a bad thing. If that's not the case then a move may be appropriate. Realistically no one at the college level is recruiting your son or will be for a few more years so waiting a year or so wouldn't be the worst thing. The key is the coaching he is recieving now and how the club and team is progressing, and is he getting better.
I suppose clarification is in order. What I meant by "'B-level' club" is the club has only one or two teams in each flight and most teams are in second division. He plays for the top team in his flight in the club and his team plays in the top state (first) division (top 6 teams).
His team is improving. They played premier division last spring, were relegated to div 2 in fall and finished top, then were promoted back to premier this season and finished 4th (well behind the top 3 however). They are inconsistent, though, especially at tournaments. Coaching is good (not excellent). Training sessions focus on progressive small-sided sessions (5v2, 5v5, 8v8, etc), finishing games, etc. Not many improvement opportunities for coach within club (a whole other discussion) but he does bring in other trainers from time to time to balance his weaknesses and give players different perspective. It is hard for me to objectively measure my son's progression because of my proud fatherly bias. But I have been told many times that he is likely one of the best players in the State in terms of skill and vision. Where I think he has room for improvement is leadership skills -- he's not the most confident person -- and mental 'toughness' -- he gets "into his head" sometimes and stops playing from his heart.
I know a lot of very very good players that did not proceed because of their head. The psychological aspect is extremely important, and with boys at his age maturity may be an issue. It can be tougher pyschologically at the stonger club, because there is going to be more pressure from the coach and the other players. I have seen players that were athletically gifted but not psychologically ready struggle sometimes in those situations. He needs to be ready before jumping in the deep end. If people are already telling you that he is that good, and if he is competing against the top teams in the state he is doing fine. The training sounds reasonable, but that is hard to determine without actually being there. I know a lot of people will jump on this next statement. You have to be careful that the recruiting coach is absolutely wanting to develop your son rather than pull in another stud to see if he can tighten the grip as the best team in town. Sometimes playing with better players gives one a false sense of accomplishment. Don't fall for the "If you don't play with us you won't improve or be the best player you can be". Just because your son is not at the strongest club dosen't mean he is not progressing and getting better. Most of the skills and technical ability that the proven best players have are developed in the driveway or against the garage door, or with his friends on the playground. Without that personal love of the game it's very hard to make it to the top.
Besides quality coaching, to develop a kid needs quality training and quality games. He may be the stud on his team but he may be getting neither of these if he is training with and against players below his level.
I'd do some research. Does everyone get game time on the State Champs? If your kid is good then he might be giving up time he's earned to other kids, conversely if he's not one of the top 11 will he get sufficient minutes to keep his game sharp? Frankly, who cares if he's connected? If your kid can play, YOU and HIM go find a place where he wants to play in college. I'm tired of club coaches acting like feeders and keeping parents beholden to them. They don't have any magical sway over college coaches. If that's an aspiration for you guys, learn now while he's young on how the college recruiting process works. It's really not what "you" (at least most parents) think it is. Another question to ask the coach is what can he provide your son in terms of his growth as a player. Interview other parents currently playing for him, if you can. Ask to observe his sessions up close or even better is to observe him unannounced. Watch his interactions with the players. Go to a few of their games and see what he's like. See how many are sitting the bench. Observe player rotations. Take note if he is a "joystick" coach or can his players think for themselves. I had this conversation with this older coach at my coaching clinic this past weekend. And he says his travel team at U13 can't handle the club teams because they've never been exposed to that kind of intensity before. So you're right to be concerned about a higher level of competition. Also, from personal experience I've always learned more from my teammates than my coaches. Not sure if that is a commentary on coaching in this country or where actual learning stems from. I think it's great that you're asking questions like this.
agree it has to be a move your son wants to make. some kids are perfectly happy in the exact situation as your son. they love being the star and have no desire to step up. at one time every kid says they want to be a professional athlete, loves their sport and wants to buy mom a house. i am counting on that! St Thomas would be nice! JK have you taken him to practice with this team? does he know these boys? he might love it/them or he might hate it/them. teammates being friends is very important to some kids. others just want the higher competition and can handle the pressure. i agree with elessar, go and watch as much as possible (games & practice). coach behavior, parent behavior, player behavior and time. parental attitudes trickle down to kids. do you get the "this kid is taking my kid's time" or "hey, welcome to the team" from the parents? state cup champions are going to play at a higher level and have faster play. how does your son do with that? is he behind or up to speed? how many on the roster? 15? 18? 22? i doubt he will play every minute. how will he feel about that? if he is not up to speed his play time might be minimal and with little game time it is harder to improve. if this team is not for him, will he be able to go back? friendships have been won and lost on youth soccer. i am talking about you as well. if you are unsure about this move and decide against it, can your son continue to train with the higher team? maybe guest with them? does the current team have both state card and US club card? if not can u US Club card him with the higher team? my daughter did this one year. she played high level tournaments and US Club cup with a higher level team but played league with her town team which did fewer and much lower level tournaments. they were only carded with USYS card. good luck with whatever you decide.
Of all the comments, the one above is way, way most important (tossing aside the subjective issues such as friends, community, & c.) The game at U16 at the top levels moves incredibly faster than at U14. And at U18, the top level teams make the U16s look like they are standing still. Speed. You haven't seen it yet at this age. The game is going to get a whole lot faster. Not just the running, but the touches, the closing down, the passes, the quickness, the time to think, the time to react. If the other club(s) you are considering are stocked with great individual talent, then at this age, that contributes a lot to winning. However, if you watch the other club(s) play, and you see they are playing at an entirely different speed, then you will have no idea how you son plays until he has to play at that same speed. Watch, think, evaluate, learn. It's late in the season, or the season is over, but you'd be well educated by watching him play - if they are at a different speed - with the other team in training (or maybe guest playing with them at a tournament). Short of that, you'll never really know.
I agree it is crazy how the speed of play from a good team to a really good team increases. If you want to continue to improve you need to go to the best you can handle. My son has left many friends behind but with each step he makes new ones. It is hard but if you want to play at a high level you have to play at a high level
I just have to chime in with a counter argument to the speed of play at U18 (big surprise). Yes we have pushed our U18s across the country to play faster and faster but in, I'd say, most cases it's detrimental to their play. Play as fast as you can, not as fast as you can't. A lot of them are really outpacing their thinking and abilities and you get the up tempo style of soccer that benefits the big, tall, fast bangers. The play is sloppy. I'm not saying play slow, but instead of playing at "11" play at 8 or 9. Think of it like bottom to mid table EPL play.
Big, tall, fast Bangers is irrelevant. We're not talking low level kick and run dog ball. Every pro team across the world with a U18 program that is of a good caliber plays way faster than their U16s and it has nothing to do with B/F/S kids. Fast yes, technique exquisite, decidedly yes. Sloppy play is the result of sloppy technical skills, and as Wenger has been quoted many times over, poorly developed technical skills by the age of 14 and the kid will never be a top footballer. Speed of play is massively dependent upon technical skills.
Thank you all for your insights. It is difficult to know what's best and there are such varying opinions. I wish the process were different, but all the recruiting and team formation deadlines give little time to evaluate options. Update: We decided to stay with his current team for another year. I had some good talks with him and heart-to-heart discussion with his coach. My son did say that he hated the position he was in -- having to choose -- because he both wants to play with his current coach/buddies AND play for the other team. At his stage of development, I think it is paramount that he enjoys playing most of all. The decision was tough. The main factors behind our decision: After talking to his current coach, it is apparent that he has the same vision for my son. He agrees that my son should be playing at a higher level but needs some more growing up before making that move. That nugget came without prompting, so it confirms my opinion. We decided that mental and leadership development is a priority right now. Recruiting came from several different parents (prior to no-contact period expiring) with which we are acquainted. They contacted both me and my wife telling us that the coach really wanted him. However, the coach never contacted us (after no-contact period). I did not reach out to him. We've played this team before and I didn't really appreciate the coach's attitude toward players. He is very negative and sarcastic, especially with respect to the opposing players with comments such as 'run through him, he's weak', 'he has no touch, don't worry about him', and 'mark number 6; he's their only player.' I didn't want to make a decision based upon pressure that 'now is the time because there might not be space on the team next year.' If he is truly a special player, he will continue to have opportunities. All in all we're happy at the moment although I'm a bit concerned that, although he denies it, my son regrets the decisions because he monitored the progress of the other team at the Region III championship last weekend and talks about it frequently. He says he is happy with the decision; his team picked up 3 new players and relegated 4 players to the second team so he is excited about that. However, he does know most of the players on the other team through ODP and is in contact with them more now than before. We will continue to monitor options throughout the year for next year. I plan on 'spying' a bit to see how other teams train and becoming acquainted with other coaches -- as was suggested by elessar78 -- and hopefully my son will have some guest playing opportunities. (Oh, and to toss a little red meat: complicating factor - High School Soccer around here sucks so we have to make sure he is playing high-level club within the next couple of years!)
I'd always remember this point about the coach. Not every coach has to be warm and fuzzy but, for me, respect is a key ingredient. He will never teach his players to be like this but passively they will internalize it. Notice the coaches who are always ranting at refs they're players do the same. Look at teams (players and parents) you feel are "class acts" and see if they are a reflection of their coach. There are exceptions but you get the idea. These are kids, youth players. We're not just responsible for our own but also the kids on the other team (to some extent). If your yelling "run through him, he's weak." in a game, you might as well say it directly to the kid. The kid's dad will probably want to punch you in the face. Again, I'm not all about the warm and fuzzy but respect has to be central in the relationship.
this kinda stood out to me. is it the comments you don't like or how he says them? i think we can all watch a game and see the weaker or stronger players. while i'd rather not see negative comments towards kids, it is high level play. everyone there...is there to win. if opposing kids hear that and believe it, it could give his team the slight edge they need. it can also backfire and might motivate that "weak kid" to prove he's better than yours. we have a coach here that had 2 teams for several years. same sex, back to back ages. one team was Region I champions and the other could barely get out of their bracket at tournaments. both teams in top flights. both were very skilled. trained the same way. training overlapped (end of youngers, beginning of olders) so every practiced they worked together for 30-45 minutes. there is nothing warm and fuzzy about this coach and his style is not for everyone nor was the level of play. he expects them to work hard and do well(not about winning) although he gets upset when they lose games they should easily win. my favorite is " please pass the ball to OUR team or jersey color". my daughter's take on it when i asked if his yelling bothered her was "if you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, he doesn't yell at you". i don't remember one time that he yelled at her that i wasn't thinking the same exact thing. most times for the other girls too. some didn't have my daughter's view and thought it was more personal. IMO, the difference between the two teams is that the Region I champions are VERY driven kids with VERY serious parents. If practice ran over or kids were given the option to leave or stay, they stayed. They rarely missed practice. The second team had some like "we have track or softball today so we are missing practice". Not many took the option to stay longer when it was offered. The kids also seem more sensitive. This team has lost more players because the kids just couldn't handle the pressure. While he had them, the Region I team only lost players to PDA. the second team lost players to lesser teams or other sports. now is the Region I team more successful because they are more dedicated or are they more dedicated because they have been more successful?? while you might not entirely like the coach, if his players are staying, his team is improving and is successful(not just wins), he is doing something right. plus not knowing him personally can affect your view of him. i have seen some pretty wacko coach behavior out there and they are good family friends. we have a nice time poking fun at them! it is easier to overlook or explain when you know them better.
we hear some pretty dumb stuff said by opposing parents on the sidelines. we (and our kids) have to realize how ignorant most of these comments are and ignore them. thnaksfully most of us keep pretty cool heads.
The players should be there to win. The coach should be there to teach, to educate. An adult psychologically "softening up" an opposing player so his team can win is pretty sad. Let the players fight their own battles out on the field.
I can't comment on what parents say or do on the sidelines. That's well documented. And yes, should be ignored. But coaches should be held to a higher standard. They are the ones teaching the game, they're the authority figure in the sport. This isn't directed at you, but I'm just tired of the boorish behavior directed toward our young players. Again, they don't have to be coddled or hugged every time they skin their knee and it's perfectly okay for them to hear an angry, loud voice. But the content of the message matters. Not just from a human standpoint, but from a coaching education standpoint—sarcasm is very counter productive.
