MLS Week 8 – The Lateral Meniscus Edition

Thank God for Netflix & two seasons of Danger 5 to get me through today until the Soccering restarts for MLS Week 8.  I woke up yesterday fully from Wednesday’s knee surgery and was subjected to the horrible, malevolent offerings that is Daytime Television.  It’s sad when the Young & the Restless is the least insidious thing on TV.  The View / The Chew / The Real / People’s Court…  I took pain pills, not because I was hurting, I took them to black out so I wouldn’t be subjected to the afternoon lineup of Ellen / Dr. Phil / Steve Harvey…  Smith & Wesson take me awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…

Ok, it got better.  MLS Week 8 has nine matches on tap, including a double header on Friday evening and a Sunday triple header.  So no reason to fool around, off to this week’s matchers.

Chicago (Dumpster) Fire | NYC Football Club – 8:00 PM ET | 4/24 | UDN

Chicago managed to not lose to both Philly & Toronto, then promptly took three weeks off to accommodate MLS’ wishes, tossing any momentum out the window.  NYCFC, have thrown away 8 points with a loss to Portland and a draw & loss to the Union.  As much as I hope Chicago has found their feet, I fear the time off will have done them no good and we’re in for two hours of the type of soccer that makes people hate soccer.  Chicago (Dumpster) Fire 0 | 0 NYCFC – Take some time off to mow the lawn.

 

Colorado Rapids | FC Dallas – 10:00 PM ET | 4/24 | UDN

I may watch this to see if Pablo Mastroeni gets fired after the game, but that would entail KSG knowing that they still own the Rapids and can fire him.  FC Dallas, should, demolish Colorado entertainingly, and pull level with Vancouver at the top of the Western Conference & Supporter’s Shield table.  Watch for the goals – there should be at least 3.  Colorado Rapids 0 | 4 FC Dallas.

 

Columbus Crew SC | Philadelphia Union – 7:30 PM ET | 4/25 | MLS Live

*SIGH*  No, I literally sighed.  I’m not sure how much longer Jimbo Curtin can hang on in Philadelphia.  He’s hamstrung by Union ownership & management decisions that cost the Union heavily early in the season.  Columbus’ position in the table comes from them being just a bit better, but also having played two games less than the Union.  I don’t expect much from this match, other than a late meltdown from the Union and a dreadful game to watch.  CCSC 1 | 0 Union

 

New England Revolution | Real Salt Lake – 7:30 PM ET | 4/25 | MLS Live

If you have no rooting interest, this should be a better match to watch than Crew v Union.  Though with Olave out already for running his mouth last week, you can’t be treated to another unplanned redcard unless Olave comes out of the stands in a luchador mask, all Mid-South Wrestling style as Stagger Lee who was really the Junk Yard Dog, who lost a Loser Leaves Town match the previous week.  Rimando will keep RSL in the match, but will let RSL down late.  New England 2 | 1 Real Salt Lake

 

Houston Dynamo | Sporting Kansas City – 8:30 PM ET | 4/25 | MLS Live

I don’t have much to say about this match other than MLS picked a couple of horrible photos of DaMarcus Beasley & Graham Zusi for the preview picture…

I’ve seen that look before on DMB’s face, except it was on Grady Wilson’s face from a season 2 episode of Sanford & Son.  Another game to avoid if you have better things to do as both of these teams are locked in a 5 way tie at 9 points.  By 10:30 ET – They’ll both have 10 and you’ll never get those two hours back.  Houston 0 | 0 Sporting Kansas City

 

Vancouver Whitecaps | DC United – 10:30 PM ET | 4/25 |MLS Live

I would normally pick this week for Vancouver to come back to earth, but they are playing United in Vancouver and they have far too much spend for DC to deal with.  Bill Hamid will make half a dozen saves he has no business getting to, but in the end will be beaten on a routine save and a breakaway or two, one of which Vancouver will manage not to miss for the win.  It will be fast paced & entertaining with lots of shots and if you enjoy watching United lose like I do, you’ll enjoy this.  Whitecaps 3 | 0 United.

 

As always, if you find yourself unable to watch this weekend, or you simply want to share in the misery of others, dial up the Week 8 MLS PBP thread on BigSoccer, and be entertained at the expense of others