Note to New York RedBulls: Following your utterly graceless exit from the MLS playoffs last night, be advised that Michel Platini really isn't your best source for scouting reports.
The former Nancy Boy has spent more time kissing Seppy's behind the last few years than paying attention to football and apparently has mistaken Becks for his lovely bride Anorexia Spice.
Last night's encore performance of "Thierry and The Thugs" was just another reminder of how big the gap is between you and those teams that actually do belong in the playoffs. Money can't buy you love, and apparently not talent or class either.
Note to New York Cosmos fans:
Modesty forbids me pointing out just who it was, well over a year ago, who wrote:
"you can chisel this in marble and plant it on your front lawn:
It will be a cold day in hell before Paul Kemsley fields an MLS team."
Maybe next you can line up Jon Corzine.
This is Progress:
FIFA has traditionally awarded Caribbean World Cup broadcast rights directly to the CFU, and Jack Warner has traditionally stolen them and kept the proceeds. He used to get them for a dollar, although more recently FIFA has charged him more, which didn't matter because Jack didn't ever pay and Zurich was too scared of him to object.
So in 2007 when FIFA awarded the 2010 and 2014 rights to the CFU, Warner handed them over to a company he owns called JDI which, in turn, sold them to a Jamaican TV syndicate called SportsMax.
Jack pocketed $20 million. The CFU didn't ever see a dime.
Fast forward to last month when FIFA announced, much to Warner's outrage, that they were shocked - SHOCKED - to discover that this has been going on and took the 2014 rights back from JDI.
This week, SportsMax announced that they have renegotiated the 2014 rights, along with 2018 and 2022, directly with FIFA. There's no official word on the amount but $20 million per Cup is a safe estimate.
The CFU? They still got nothing.
News of the Deranged:
Today in Zurich, FIFA's Appeals Committee will hear from Lisle Austin on the topic of reducing his punishment for, among other things, writing to his fellow CFU members and asking them to lie for Jack and subsequently taking CONCACAF to court in the Bahamas.
It's difficult to see why they'd let him off the hook early, but at this point nothing would surprise.
Who's in Charge Here?:
The leaderless, rudderless CFU continues to flounder about like a boated carp.
You'll recall that they had scheduled an "Extraordinary Congress" for November 20 in order to hold some elections but, following the suspension of Captain Horace Burrell, acting President Yves Jean-Bart announced that, since they had no money they were going to have to postpone the thing.
Now a couple of the candidates are saying "not so fast."
Former CFU General Secretary Harold Taylor is claiming that only the CFU Executive Committee can constitutionally cancel a Congress and, at the moment, what with all the guys who have either resigned or are serving suspensions, the ExCo can't even rummage up a quorum.
Furthermore, he and fellow candidate Tony James of Jamaica now say that they have lined up a sponsor for the Congress, so if money was the real issue (instead of keeping the seat open until Burrell can come back) then everything is fine.
No word from Dr. Jean-Bart, but in the end since there's quite literally nobody in charge it would appear that attendance will be optional.
If you didn't know better, you'd think that maybe this was the kind of situation that FIFA is well equipped to go in and help sort out.
FIFA is so knee deep in their own goo that maybe they can't get to a phone.
For example, the International Olympic Committee has just announced that they are investigating African Football President Issa Hayatou for his involvement in the FIFA/ISL bribery scandal and are considering sanctions against him.
This would be particularly embarrassing to FIFA itself, not simply because Sepp Blatter has known all about it for a decade or more and has studiously avoided doing anything but also because Blatter just named Hayatou to head up the vastly powerful and influential GOAL bureau.
The one that hands out all the project money, which is the same position that Mohammad Bin Hammam held until last Summer.
So it's possible that the IOC may suspend Hayatou for the stuff he did while looting FIFA while FIFA itself is busy promoting the guy.
Fly by Night:
Which is exactly the kind of stuff that is finally getting to FIFA's sponsors.
Notably, Emirates Airlines is letting it be known that they're pretty unhappy about this whole mess.
Emirates, which is a full-blown FIFA "Partner" (the highest level of sponsorship, reportedly to the tune of $200 million) says that while they don't really want to get involved in the politics of what's gong on they feel like their "partners" are ignoring them.
Furthermore, they say that they're beginning to hear from the customers, who are asking why on Earth they are supporting an openly corrupt outfit like FIFA in the first place.
Forget petitions, complaints and demonstrations. If you want to get rid of Sepp Blatter, threaten FIFA's money supply.
He'll be gone by Christmas.