Unfortunately, we're all very familiar with the process: when all else fails and you have no legitimate argument to make just start calling your opponent a racist and hope nobody notices that what you're really trying to do is change the subject. Banned-for-life FIFA Vice President Mohammad Bin Hammam gave us a good example of this strategy last week when he didn't just toss the race card on the table so much as he played 52 pickup with the whole damn deck.
But of course when it comes to good old-fashioned race baiting, nobody can top the veteran hater from Trinidad, Jack Warner.
Now Uncle Jack (where have you gone Karene Asche?) is sitting around down in Port of Spain with a sudden, shocking and unwelcome dearth of people groveling at his feet, trembling at the sound of his voice and/or kissing his ring and he's getting pretty sore about it.
If he's not yet wandering around the house singing "All the other kids with their pumped up kicks better run, better run..." he's surely getting close.
In an interview with the Press Association (and isn't it interesting that he's suddenly eager to share his thoughts with an organization based out of the country whose media he's been mercilessly flogging as agents of the devil for lo these many years and whose officials - including a Crown Prince and his BFF David - he unapologetically used like five dollar whores on half price day during the run-up to the World Cup vote and then checking the box that said "Russia"?)
"When I resigned from the FIFA of my own volition, it was because I was prepared to pay the ultimate price and become the sacrificial lamb for alleged wrongdoings prior to the FIFA elections."
That's our Jack, isn't it? He fell on his sword "of his own volition", not because FIFAs' Ethic Committee had him dead to rights, and the only reason he did it was to spare world soccer the unpleasantness.
Selflessness, thy name is Jack Warner..
"I was led to believe that that would have been the end of the matter as far as I was concerned."
Well Jack, we did too.
Unfortunately, you haven't shut the hell up for ten minutes.
What with telling people that you "may decide to return" because you have "unfinished business" and then announcing that "someday" you're going to tell everyone all of FIFAs' dirty secrets and then refusing to let the CFU have their offices or their bank accounts back and then last weeks' utterly hilarious attempt to claim that while you were busy passing out soccer balls to crippled orphans and puppies Chuck Blazer was in New York looting the vaults behind your back and now this latest assault on FIFA, you're talking to the media twice as much as you ever did before.
Why I bet that if Andrew Jennings caught up with you in an airport you might just be tempted NOT to tell him to go and find his mother and discuss how much you value your saliva.
So what is it that has Warner in such an uproar?
Well that's easy: money. Namely the $18-20 million TV contract which FIFA just terminated.
Jack was apparently under the impression that just because he was forced to resign in disgrace one step ahead of a lifetime ban didn't mean that he'd have to, you know, stop making a fortune off of international soccer. After all, he's been hijacking Caribbean World Cup broadcast rights for years, and nobody ever minded that it was completely illegal before. Those TV rights - and all that lovely money - belonged to him.
What a cruel world it is.
Then, after Jack gets done lambasting FIFA for having the temerity to investigate the fact that a bunch of CFU representatives accepted illegal gifts - something which almost no one even bothers to deny any more - he gets to what's really grinding his gears:
And in taking a swing at his former BFF, he lays the entire game naked for all the world to see:
"To maintain their whiteness, their whistleblower must never be tainted and so their [FIFA's] bias, their prejudice and their partiality continue unabated favouring a certain kind of people and damning another."
So since Jack - who like most tyrants who is accustomed to having the laws mean whatever the hell he wants them to mean - doesn't seem to get it, herewith the simple explanation:
Unlike you, BinnyMo and the 16 CFU delegates, Blazer hasn't been accused of any violation of FIFA Statutes.
Warner - and, sadly, a whole bunch of writers both here and abroad - wants to pretend that since Blazer received some large checks from CONCCACAF and the CFU, that ipso facto something untoward occurred. Unfortunately, not even he can say what that might be.
One problem seems to be that Jacks' memory is failing him in his old age and he doesn't recall some things quite so well.
For example, in 2002 when he was challenged for the Presidency of CONCACAF by Mexican/Uruguayan referee (and Argentine national enemy) Edgardo Codesal, Warner was questioned from the floor (by Mexican officials) at the CONCACAF General Congress about Blazers' compensation package.
Because, you see, everybody gets a copy of the financial statement and, thus everybody knew - then, later and now - exactly what Blazer was being paid.
Warner stood before the 35 assembled federation Presidents and explained that the payments were part of Blazers' compensation package and were available for all to see if they'd care to read his contract, a copy of which was - and is - available to them for the asking.
That day the CONCACAF nations were so morally outraged by the news that they re-elected Jack Warner by the razor-thin margin of 33-2.
Furthermore, the commissions were also plainly spelled out in every financial statement and every budget before and since, right up until the present day when, suddenly, Jack Warner and CONCACAF Senior Vice President Lisle Austin have never heard of them before.
So in answer to Jacks' questions about why FIFA is not "investigating" Chuck Blazers' commissions, it's quite simple: they were completely legal, entirely transparent and widely known by one and all.
Austin, Warner and Bin Hammam calling them "secret payments" is understandable; they're trying to wriggle off the hook here. The worlds' football writers collectively calling them that is, well, just ignorant.
Now if you want to argue that the amounts involved were exorbitant, outrageous and represented nothing so much as a sweetheart deal between a Caribbean gangster and his American enabler, go right ahead.
But if you're going to stand with Jack Warner and Mohammad Bin Hammam and parrot bullshit then I'm going to call you on it.
Fact is though, Warner isn't confused, addled or suffering from early onset dementia.
Rather, what he's doing here is what is commonly referred to as "lying".
He might like it if you and I believe him, but deep down he knows it's just not important.
What he's trying to do, like any good politician in deep deep trouble, is rally his base which in this case is of course the Caribbean federations.
If he has to claim that FIFA - which has been showering the CFU with ridiculous, unjustifiable amounts of money for decades for no Earthly reason beyond simply buying votes and silence - is really their enemy and that all of this kerfuffle is nothing but collective persecution by a bunch of white guys who secretly hate them or something in order to do it, then he won't hesitate one second.
All of which points to another startling fact, namely that while you and I may think that Warner is a dead duck, Uncle Jack doesn't agree.