Five Mexican Players Test Positive for a Banned Substance

You know, things have been so quiet and, well, just downright boring around stodgy old CONCACAF recently that perhaps some major controversy could pop up so that Chuck Blazer can get some ink.

Like, for example, having five Mexican players - Antonio Naelson, Christian Bermudez, Edgar Duenas, Francisco Javier Rodriguez and goalkeeper Guillermo Ochoa - test positive for clenbuterol, a drug used to treat breathing disorders that is banned by FIFA.

Burgers for Everybody!!!

Now, if one had the desire to be fair - which we most certainly do not - we'd point out that some people are suggesting that the players ingested the drug in beef, which in Mexico is apparently about as safe as the water.

Clenbuterol can be used as a growth stimulant for livestock, although it's banned by the USDA and everybody else who doesn't want their citizens to grow massive amounts of hair on their backs.

Particularly the ladies.

Still, reportedly all the players on the team ate the same meals so there's no good explanation as to why only these five set the urine stick aglow.

CONCACAF General Secretary Chuck Blazer, who is getting about as much press as Congressman Weiners' - well, you know - will convene a meeting of the national teams committee, which also serves as the organizing committee of the Gold Cup, tomorrow morning to review the situation.

Mexico is expected to be morally outraged at the whole thing and hope that if they yell loud enough and threaten to recognize Lisle Austin as President of the Confederation, that they'll get to replace the five guys who are packing up and heading for home as we speak.

El Salvador, meanwhile is expected to complain that since there's proof that Mexico is a bunch of dirty cheaters that therefore the 5-0 beat down they received at the hands of El Tri should be vacated and either replayed or awarded to The Sallys.