Some day, a forward is going to try that cheeky chip penalty, maybe in an important game, and the keeper will just stand there like the last five minutes of "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly." And won't that forward look foolish.
Didn't happen last night - at least, not the saved penalty part. All the world knows now that Charlie Davies has invented a new tactic. As near as I can understand it, the premise is that the forward either exaggerates contact, or invents it entirely. And instead of continuing with the play, the forward falls to the ground. The idea is that the referee will then call a foul, where none was deserved.
One can imagine the Galaxy's shock at seeing such a tactic, because they have never employed anyone who would ever dream of - crap, I've run out of thread, and I'm only halfway through re-sewing my virginity.
MP has already pointed out the real problem, from the Los Angeles point of view - one way to avoid getting jobbed by last-minute calls is to not try to sit on one goal leads for an hour. Especially when you're the more talented team (and I think most United fans would more or less agree with that). What with David Beckham getting away with a scissor tackle worthy of Cle Kooiman (I hope his six year old would have called THAT foul), and, well, what can one say. The karma ran over the dogma.
However. After the penalty kick, Charlie Davies ran off the field to a car that was parked as part of a sponsor presentation.
Part the first. How is Eric Hassli's hilarious two-shirt celebration a yellow card, let alone a second yellow, for ungentlemanly unsportsmanlike bringing of the game into disrepute or whatever, while Davies jogging three quarters of mile to a car he can't even open shrugged off? Free Eric.
Part the second. Charlie Davies. Jogging to a car. Posing in front of it. Charlie Davies. Car.
Because...Charlie Davies. Car.
No? Everyone's cool with that? No one even blinked? What a clever little plug for the team sponsor. Great. I'm the a-hole. I'm the only jackoff in the whole country. I'm unusually mean-spirited and hateful.
I know, I know, I'm the one who wanted to treat Davies like just another player, and DC United isn't sponsored by Radio Flyer, and what can we do? What can anyone do? He just had to run over to the Volkswagen. And because I immediately thought of the old National Lampoon "If Ted Kennedy drove a VW, he'd be President today" ad, I'm the snipe (anagram). I'm King Richard I.
Whatever. I've had my handbasket booked long before this.
And, you know what? Last night I watched the Union-Red Bulls game, the United-Galaxy game, AND the CUSA-Crew game. You owe me. If there were promotion and relegation, those games would have been meaningful and exciting.
(Okay, the Union game was meaningful. It was just hideously unwatchable.)