Omar Bravo Brace Sinks Chivas - another "only in the MLS" headline

Does Stuart Holden have a douchebag magnet, or something? First Nigel de Jong, now Jonny Evans. Holden has accepted Evans' apology for a studs-up tackle that will sideline him for six effin' months, proving nothing more than Holden is a better man than I am. Here's hoping Evans and Rio Ferdinand are on the receiving end of an "honest solid tackle" or two in the near future.
________________

OWNER WATCHES HIS OWN TEAM SHOCK.

Well, Omar Bravo has already made a difference.

But this seems like such a good idea, I wonder why they haven't tried this already

...and, scene.
________________

Hey, am I too late with the Portland Timbers upside-down flag emergency joke - oops, yes, I am.

But am I too late to make a Johnny Cash reference?

Well, you're my friend, and can you see?
Many times, we've been out drinking;
Many times we shared our thoughts.
But did you ever, ever notice the kind of thoughts I got?
Well, you know I have a love, a love for everyone I know.
And you know I have a drive to live I won't let go.
But can you see its opposition comes rising up sometimes?
That its dreadful imposition comes blacking in my mind?

And then I see a darkness,
And then I see a darkness,
And then I see a darkness,
And then I see a darkness.
Did you know how much I love you?
It's a hope that somehow you,
Can save me from this darkness.

Wallace was simply saying that the Timbers' prospects this year were about as bright as...yeah, you're right, too much of a reach. Pity, though, because the idea of going through Cash's American Records catalog for Timbers parallels - "Hurt," "Mercy Seat," et multiple c. - was otherwise pretty irresistible.
________________

By the way, look who was smart enough to have Juninho in his MFLS lineup!

No, seriously, look for that person. I want to ask him or her how they knew. Me, I had him stuck on the bench. *WOMP womp*
________________

Edson Buddle - former Toronto forward.
Conor Casey - former Toronto forward.
Jeff Cunningham - former Toronto forward.
O'Brian White - former Toronto forward.
Chad Barrett - former Toronto forward.

That's how bad it is for TFC. Even their rejects are getting worse.

By the way, I told you Vancouver would be fighting for a playoff spot next week. YOU DIDN'T BELIEVE ME, DID YOU!
________________

Would you all mind if I read way, way too deeply into something for a second? Thankya.

For years, the conventional wisdom was that Budweiser sponsored American soccer because Gussie Busch happened to like the game. Or, because St. Louis happened to like the game, and Busch liked making his fellow citizens happy. This is why back in 2006, when all the world was damning Budweiser to the furthest reaches of hell for keeping German beer out of a German World Cup, I looked the other way and hard.

Since then, Anheuser-Busch has been bought out by the Belgians. The filthy, filthy Belgians. This led me to doubt Bud's continuing commitment to American soccer. (Two St. Louis soccer teams imploding recently also gave me concern, but since when is wanting nothing to do with Jeff Cooper a crime?)

So I was glad to see Bud is sticking around MLS, especially ITTET. I'm way too frightened and racist to try Chelada, but to be honest, I actually like Bud Ice.

Damn, I thought I was kidding, but they still make it. Okay, let me try that one again.

I actually like Bud Dry.

Wait, seriously? I haven't seen Bud Dry since the last Bud Bowl. What the HELL.

Fine. I actually like Crystal Pepsi.

*crickets*

Anyway, here's the reach. Long-time fans will remember the glorious days when the Galaxy were not sponsored by a pyramid scheme. And sharp-eyed viewers will have noticed a picture of Juninho Carsonista in the MLSsoccer.com article, for no discernible reason.

Aha! Budweiser, once and future sponsor of the Beckham-less Galaxy! Okay, so I'd probably be warm and fuzzy about the 1998 Galaxy even if they had been sponsored by Virginia Slims. But given the choice between Virginia Slims and Herbalife, I'd have to think it over.

Of course, before we - meaning I - get too excited, there's this little throwaway line:

And one - again, meaning I - might reluctantly conclude that MLS is forgive the expression, a throw-in, and the El Tri* is the real prize for InBev. If Bud's name gets plastered on anyone's shirt, it wouldn't necessarily be the Galaxy.

Still, I hold out hope that MLS will soon boot out the pyramind schemes. Now, which alcohol sponsor can we get for Real Salt Lake?

*I know. I'm trying to be funny. Work with me.