Jack Comes Home Empty-Handed

FIFA's quarterly Executive Committee meeting has come and gone and once again CONCACAF Serial Kleptomaniac Jack Warner wasn't able to deliver the goods.

The ExCo decided to leave the per-Confederation World Cup slot numbers exactly as they were in 2010 with the exception that the bye for hosting that South Africa got is now Brazil's, meaning in effect that Africa, which had a total of 6 countries in the finals last year will go back to 5 while South America will have 4 guaranteed slots plus a bye for Brazil and possibly a sixth.

There's no word from Warner but the suddenly quotable - but still a long ways from lovable - Chuck Blazer IS FIRED UP:

"In 2010, Africa [get] six and only Ghana advance in Africa. Why do they have 5 and we 3.5? We advanced 67% [Mexico and the USA made the second round]," Blazer said.

"We are 35 members who are very serious about qualifying. We want to be treated fairly and given enough opportunity to be successful. Hear us."

Blazer also blasted FIFA's decision to allow CONMEBOL a possible six spots.

"It is completely ludicrous. I'm a great supporter of South American football but for them to have a possible six countries out of 10 is absurd," Blazer was quoted by the Press Association.

Last time around CONMEBOL sent their fifth place team to play CONCACAF's fourth place team with the winner going on to the finals. Asia and Oceania had the same arrangement.

This will change slightly for 2014 in that rather than have pre-arranged opponents FIFA will conduct a drawing from among all four, which for 2010 were Costa Rica, New Zealand, Bahrain and Uruguay.

You'll recall that this was something Jack told us he would demand from FIFA, and it's beginning to look like Jack's influence ain't what it's cracked up to be.

(I could of course go into how SOME CANADIAN claimed it was all in the bag for Warner, but anyone who believed that the CSA has the first clue about anything at all deserves to be fooled. They're so desperate for relevance in Canada that they're reduced to simply making shit up. Sad, really.)

This of course follows close on the heels of his failure to deliver the 2022 World Cup to the US, for which favor the USSF and it's utter failure of a President, Spineless Sunil, have been assiduously kissing his behind for years now. And for what, exactly?

Of course unless FIFA chooses to lower the boom on The Pirate of the Caribbean his position at the top of CONCACAF is safe. He delivers money by the boatload to a couple dozen flyspeck islands - according to FIFA's own figures released yesterday, every one of them got $1.3 million in 2010 - and that's all they care about.

Which brings us to the financial details pertaining to the last World Cup and the state of FIFA's bank accounts, and the assembled greedheads in Zurich must have all gotten wood as the figures were presented:

FIFA made a $631 million profit in the last four year cycle, including income of $4.19 billion from broadcast and commercial deals, 87% of which is directly associated with the World Cup itself.

Revenues rose 59 percent and South Afrcia 2010 made a $663 million profit, at least partly due to the fact that FIFA's arrangements with SA included an agreement to not tax one single dime of the money. And since Swiss laws exempt FIFA from taxation in that country as well, they don't need to run down to H&R Block.

Since FIFA does not break down the details anywhere near as much as we'd like we can only ponder this:

FIFA spent $3.56 billion - that's billion with a B - on "administrative costs and development" from 2007 - 2010.

FIFA's reserves now total a staggering $1.28 billion.

In response to a suggestion that FIFA's spending is "excessive", Markus Kattner, Blatter's Director of Finance assures us that:

"Standards that are imposed on FIFA are so high that fulfilling these requirements, which come from all over, puts us in a position where we have to deliver on a high level"

If there's a better example of bureaucratese for "Shut the hell up you worm" I can't recall it.

Also revealed was the fact that FIFA paid out $65.3 million in salaries in 2010, up from $42.4 million just two years ago. This is divided amongst 387 employees, which means an average of $168,700 although obviously most of that 387 people make far less.

Additionally, FIFA paid $4.4 million into a fund they maintain which pays pensions to "retired Executive Committee members". Said fund now stands at $16.8 million.

All that just in case you're wondering why Sepp loves his job, for which Somalia took the opportunity to officially nominate him for another four year term.

No one else has been nominated, although Pele himself said yesterday that he thinks Michel Platini IS THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB

As it happens, The Black Pearl met with reporters in Singapore. Why, you ask? Simple:

"Pele was in Singapore to help launch an Asia tour by the newly-revived New York Cosmos"

Oddly though, while the team was on an Asian tour the coach WAS IN LONDON babbling about why he kicked that fan 30 years ago.

I don't have the strength. Sorry.