Who Are These Guys?

The music here is loud and oppressive and the programming is "Toss a Dart at a Chart".

We just had Saliva "Hunt You Down" followed immediately by "Gagas' "Raise Your Glass".

One problem it creates is that sometimes the teams need to make phone calls, like when Brian Bliss called Steven Lenhart to tell him he is now a goat. They're over there shouting into their cells at the top of their lungs.

Think I was kidding before about Goff?

Cohiba Don just walked into the press area and put his hand on Stevens' shoulder. Goff never even got up.

I'm maybe six feet away, but he apparently read my last piece.

Steven McCarthy, midfielder, North Carolina, to New England. At the podium he says he wants to thank his Aunt and Uncle "for the suit."

It's nice, too. Auntie and Unc have money.

The players step off the podium and walk maybe ten steps to the photo setup, but the crowd of lens jockeys has gradually thinned out until the last few guys have had one or at best two photogs snapping them shaking hands with their new coach.

Most of them had retired to the back of the room where they sit downloading their shots and picking out the ones they think they may be able to make a buck or two on.

But when John Rooneys' name was announced the curtain flew open and a couple dozen fat slobs carrying cameras raced to the front.

Being the brother of a famous guy has it's ups and downs for sure.

MLS has gotten very good at this event. Everything is so smooth now and when there's a problem like the internet connection there's a whole host of geeks back there working like beavers on it.

Time was they'd have just shrugged.

They're now feeding the mls internet feed into the screens in the room and I just want to say that those two imbeciles don't have the first damn clue what they're talking about.

They're being openly heckled.

I think Sunil Gulati is stalking me.

I keep turning around and he's right behind me. I'm thinking about throwing a sandwich or something at him and then telling him my name is Dan Loney and I'd better get those credentials if he knows what's good for him.

The good news: they've turned down the sound on the internet feed, apparently to stop everyone from laughing.

The bad news: they've cranked up the music again. Right now the selection is Flo Rida "Club Can't handle Me"

Peter Nowak is not on his feet boogeying.

That girl who's doing the interviews has these amazing patent leather pumps on.

What?

Bruno Mars would catch a grenade for you, and someone named Bilal is going to Vancouver.

Or maybe have that backwards.

The Dallas FC table looks like the reading room at the local senior center.

Richie Williams is definitely calling the shots for New York. Backe listens, adds some comments, but it seems to be the ABMOD's show.

Then again, with their recent draft record, I'd just let Williams handle it all and fill me in later.

Steve Nicols used to be the best drafter in MLS, but if Williams comes up with a gem or two out of this muddle I'm willing to give him the crown.

I may be wrong, but I think I saw Frankie Hejduk walk across the teams area wearing a suit.

Is he replacing Cobi?

If this turns out to be wrong and I was hallucinating, please forget where you heard it.