According to reports, obscure soccer blogger Daniel Antiochus Loney will spend the Christmas holiday in an incoherent haze fueled by Mountain Dew and Fiddle Faddle, furiously trying at the last minute to find the perfect gift for his cat.
There are a couple of things wrong with this story. First of all, who cares. Second of all...what's with the passive voice, me? I'm in a position to know for sure, aren't I? Why don't I own up already?
Thus, the problems facing Simon Borg talking about Chivas USA planning to treat their headache with a guillotine:
Wow, that's a big story! I'd better check it out over at the official site oh wait a minute.
The team site, at least, isn't stuck linking to this story, which shows an acumen one doesn't usually associate with Chivas USA. I'd talk about Jimmy Conrad instead of Osorio if I were them, too.
This is sort of a no-win situation for MLSSoccer.com. If they're going to act as a central clearinghouse for information about the league, well, they can't very well ignore this sort of thing. But if CUSA comes to its senses and hires someone else, then the league website looks just as silly as ESPNLA. And if CUSA does hire Osorio, then the league website is an accomplice in blowing the surprise.
But Borg couldn't even ignore it, really. Scott French doesn't usually get stuff like this wrong. His name on the byline gives the story a lot of weight. If MLSsoccer.com spends time aggregating stories from the big wide world, but leaves this one off - that's quite a big dog not barking.
This will be a good dry run for Simon Borg and Major League Soccer Soccer. It's possible, even probable, that Borg doesn't actually know who CUSA plans to hire, because it's possible, even probable, than CUSA isn't certain itself - what with Chivas USA currently in year six of a five year plan to find their ass with a flaregun.
But one day, a rumor will cross the wire that Borg, or someone at league headquarters, will know for an absolute fact is true or not. Say, Don Garber leaving, or the identity of his replacement. The location of the next expansion franchise. The name of the next big Designated Player signing. DC United staying in DC - or not. Something somebody might care about.
Major League Soccer Soccer has been widely panned, but its content has by and large been entertaining and informative - it's the presentation that incurred the wrath of people like the False Sigi. But being the official site has limitations as well as advantages - they might be better off simply saying "We know something you don't know."
And, since the league front office is in New York, it stands to reason that several MLSsoccer.com personnel have first-hand knowledge of watching Osorio coach. Perhaps they are waiting for the official word, but I'm disappointed there aren't already articles along the lines of "ARE YOU ********ING KIDDING ME?", written over and over on the screen like Jack Nicholson's novel in "The Shining."