Charity doesn't begin at home

I think I'm a little unclear on the concept of the charity competition MLS and Pepsi are putting on.

At first I was a little skeeved out by the competition aspect, although that's what intrigued me in the first place. "MLS teams do charitable works" isn't very suspenseful.

But what if someone takes their on-field hatred a little too far?

"******** THE CREW!"

Yeah!

"******** STEVEN LENHART!"

Yeah!

"******** CHILDREN WITH AUTISM!"

Yeah!...ooooh, wait a second....

Then there's the fact that fifteen of these charities, apparently, are going to lose. Way to get your hopes up, guys. Oh, sure, knowing your charity is depending on, say, the popularity and pizzazz of the Colorado Rapids to win a popularity contest has to be a lot like having Matthew McConaughey as your rep on Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm sure the publicity is nice, but, uh, don't spend the money just yet.

Perhaps Pepsi will come through with fifty grand for each of these worthy causes. Well, I assume they're worthy. Most of them are quite admirable, from what I can tell.

But there are a couple of problematic bids.

The Galaxy presentation was apparently written by a management seminar Mad Lib.

And here I hoping that the Galaxy planned to gather a bunch of underprivileged kids and crush their spirits. I'm glad they clarified that.

The video that the Galaxy put on the site goes into more detail, thank GOD - I was seriously ashamed of my team there for a second. But the actual idea involves a recreational center for a children's hospital and Haiti earthquake relief. Those would have been helpful things to mention, I think. But not everyone's going to play the videos - I nearly didn't, and I was going to roast the Galaxy for it.

Meanwhile, across the hall, Chivas USA offers to promote their brand. Wait, what?

Using a charitable cause to pad your attendance falls a tiny bit short of awesome, but hey, thanks for the comedy beachball. Knowing that Chivas USA home games are literally a charitable writeoff - well, that makes me super-happy, as Kai-lan would say.

Of course, it does say "professional" soccer, so that leaves out Chivas USA. Maybe they'll bus them up to Buck Shaw to see the Gold Pride, if they're still around.

You'd think if Chivas USA really wanted to give tickets to disadvantaged children, they shouldn't need Pepsi's help to hand out a few of their unsold tickets. But, if you see their video - it doesn't say Jack Bauer about disadvantaged kids.

In fact, it looks as if the charitable idea is the same clinic they're already running.

Not sure how that qualifies as charitable, let alone something that needs an extra fifty grand. Maybe if they win, it'll be free next year, instead of five bucks.

But way to go the extra mile in coming up with a really inspiring idea, Chivas USA. You know, I've always said there was nothing wrong with Chivas USA that a few canisters of nerve gas couldn't cure.

So, yeah, I hope the Chivas In The Park idea finishes second in the voting. And that the other fifteen tie for first.