Dewar or Die

See, what I want to talk about is how godawful the Galaxy have been, but I try to save the obscenity-laced rants for elsewhere. I am not John Lennon, no one wants to read a transcription of my primal scream therapy.

But two things need to be pointed out.

(1) Seeing Herbalife dress a bunch of seasels in Herbalife green, give them "Go Galaxy" signs and pretend they're actual fans was the second most pathetic thing in the history of the universe. Number one is Jim Watson and Mark Rogondino thinking - or, at least telling the viewing audience - they were actual Galaxy fans.

This is why people hate the Galaxy so much, I thought to myself. I'd rather sit next to the dumbest knob in the shiniest Beckham jersey than sit across the stadium from Herbalife shills.

I realize Xango pulls this stunt with Royals road games now and again, too, and I also realize I'm in no position to tell MLS teams not to sell tickets. All I'm doing is giving permission for rival fan groups to go hooligan on "Galaxy" fans like this.

Oh, a seasel is half-sucker, half-weasel.

(2) In August 2008, the New England Revolution were competing in three tournaments apart from the MLS regular season - the Superliga, the Open Cup, and the CONCACAF Champions League. On August 5, they won the Superliga over the Dynamo in penalties. On the 12th, they were dumped out of the Open Cup by DC United - with a "makeshift" squad - and didn't defend their title. DC United went on to win the Cup, and that led to the whole "We Win Trophies" business.

Then, on August 26, Joe Public defeated the Revolution 2-1. A week later, Joe Public beat New England in Foxboro 4-0. The franchise folded the next day.

In July 2010, the Galaxy had won forty-five games in a row without giving up a single goal. (Well, it seemed like it.) Then, on July 7, the Galaxy sent their scrubs to fulfill their obligations in Starfire Stadium, politely handed the game to the Sounders, and went back to continue their amazing season.

Since then, the Galaxy have won three games in all competitions - at DC United, at Puerto Rico, and at New York. They have failed to win at home in any competition since July 4. They scored three goals in MLS games in August, two on penalty kicks. They have started September with a valiant draw against Chicago, bravely fighting their way to one point despite being up a man for over an hour. We are now depending on David Robert Joseph Beckham to save our season.

The moral of this story? Don't ******** with the Open Cup.