See, what I'm actually doing is, I'm laughing at the situation, and trying to funny about it, but it comes across as me laughing at how amusing I am, and I can see how that might get annoying. I'll work on that, assuming I'm ever interviewed by anyone ever again.
So, let's talk Designated Players some more, now that we know Marquez is going to Harrison and that Donovan isn't going to Goodison.
Matt knows so much more about the game in general, and the Red Bulls in particular, than I do, so I should really just accept his word for what's going to happen. Matt thinks Rafa Marquez is going to be an unmixed blessing for The World of Red Bull. Well, in the words of Joseph II in "Amadeus," there it is.
My reaction, which was "So much for beating the Crew, because Rafa Marquez is the worst player in Columbus Crew Stadium history," is pitiful in comparison. You'd have to take two or three games completely out of context, ascribe to them importance way out of proportion to the other big games of Marquez's career, and then, on top of that, assume past performances will predict future results in games played by entirely different teams.
And, best of all, the Crew and the Red Bulls have already played their regular season game in Columbus, so this wouldn't even matter until and unless they meet in the playoffs.
So I'm forced to fall back on pointing out that the reasons that a team Barcelona spitcans a 31 year old starting defender are not negligible. I may be overstating how Marquez is a bad act based on one game in 2002. Groovy. I'm not overstating how fragile Marquez has been the past couple of years.
Then again, Juan Pablo Angel didn't contribute a damned thing for Aston Villa the season or two before he went to New York, so maybe I should re-watch the All-Star Game, and reacquaint myself with the gap between big time European leagues and MLS.
Fine. Matt says crucial piece of the championship puzzle. I say fragile head case who will be this generation's Lothar Matthaeus. Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.
Marquez might or might not end the Designated Player flurry, depending on what happens in Los Angeles. No, not with Chivas USA.
People have had an interesting range of reaction to David Moyes pleading poverty:
Some conclude that Landon is now definitely staying with the Galaxy, but I read that very differently. One, contrary to what was said immediately after the World Cup, there most certainly is a price tag on Landon Donovan. It might be high. It might even be unrealistic and unreasonable. But it's there.
Which means MLS is thinking someone might pay for it. Note that Moyes said his Everton team will spend the least in the Premiership this year. That means nineteen teams might be able to afford Donovan, and every one of them got a chance to scout him in detail over the past year.
I don't think Moyes taking Everton out of contention means that Donovan is definitely staying. I think we're just back to where we were, speculating on where Donovan wants to go. Or, as they say in Latin, status quo vadis.
Of course, if he leaves, then he will no longer be a mortal lock to pass Jaime Moreno in the all-time MLS goal-scoring race.
(The real lesson from that stats page? If Stern John had stayed in MLS, he'd have had 400 goals by now.)
And just for a picture from life's other side (Woody Guthrie reference), let's listen in on the Colorado Rapids' search for a Designated Player:
Actually, it could have been worse. They were thinking about signing a DP in 2007, and, well, based on that player's output, he would have made Denilson look like Denis Law.
So, they're still the Colorao Rais. (No DP, you see.) How about the jersey sponsor?
Big name international friendly?
The Colorado Rapids, everybody!
Hey, you know what would help that franchise? A soccer-specific stadium. Kroenke should get on that.