Galaxy Tit for Tat PLUS "Hang 'em High"

Salt Lake Royals Chief Apologist Dave Checketts says that LA WILL ANNOUNCE THE SIGNING OF A FAMOUS BRAZILIAN very soon.

"I expect, by the way, Major League Soccer to make another announcement in the next couple of days about another very big world superstar coming to our league," Checketts told radio station KALL 10 Sports.

"Not to our team, I don't want to mislead anybody, but another one of our teams is going to make a major investment and that will be a big announcement in the next couple of days.

"I would imagine that this guy's coming to L.A. and you'll all recognise who he is." When asked if the mystery man was Brazilian, he replied: "I think he might."

He feels that the Gals don't want to be upstaged by les Taureaux Rouges and their signing of Mr. Handball Cheat, Fresh From Huddling Under a Blanket at the World Cup.

Then again, it's hard to see how signing Ronaldinho, as the article hints, a guy who watched the World Cup from the comfort of his own home, trumps anything.

Maybe he got his "famous Brazilian" wires crossed and it's really Fat Ronaldo who's on his way.

MLS needs more comedy.

Someone else who, sadly, missed the World Cup final was CONCACAF President and alleged human being Jack Warner.

During the recent election campaign, the opposition claimed that if the UNC was triumphant, Prime Minister Kamla Persad- Bissessar would simply be a front for Our Man Jack.

This accusation, which was vehemently denied, scoffed at and ridiculed, suddenly didn't seem quite so funny when the PM had to spend a week in Jamaica for a conference and she named Jack Warner as the "acting Prime Minister".

So unfortunately Warner was unable to be at his BFF Sepps' elbow during the final, (and Sunil Gulati didn't have to fetch him drinks) because he was busy in T&T.

Now, in the US where, on occasions like the State of the Union one cabinet officer has to sit in the White House ready to take over if the entire government ends up blown to bits or something, being the official standin is no big deal.

(Alexander Haig notwithstanding)

(I've never really understood that anyway;

"Fellow citizens, I know you grieve with me over the tragic deaths of every single important person in Washington except me, but I know that you'll give me, Floyd J. Barnsucker, formerly Secretary of Agriculture and a man you wouldn't know if I tapped your shoe in a men's room, your total loyalty in the years ahead."

I'm just not sure it's gonna matter. But I digress.)

Anyway, apparently in T&T they take this substitute PM job seriously.

So seriously in fact that, on his first day running the country, Warner ordered the Attorney General to find a legal way to hang almost 300 people.

No, I AM NOT MAKING THAT UP

It seems that Warner is sick and tired of all the crime on his ovely island and he figures that if they start having some necktie parties people will wise up.

And seeing as how there are almost 300 convicted and condemned people cluttering up T&T's prisons, he figures a good way to get the point across would be to run down to the local Ace Hardware, get a bulk price on woven hemp and start stringing them up.

"It is inconceivable to have 295 on death row awaiting the hangman when of course no one is trying to apply the law.

"The law says death by hangings. And if a person is convicted and has of course used all his measures of relief up to the Privy Council, why should he stay in the prison anymore?"

Why indeed. Party at jacks place!!!!

Tragically, I have been unable to find a use for the following headline:

"Hey Cold Sister, Ain't That Mista Mista on the BMO?"

Dan Loney, eat your heart out.

Did you see that, just to be safe, officials banned the vuvuzela from Anaheim Stadium for the MLB All Star game?

I'm waiting to see if MLS does the same. One would think that it would be reasonable to wait and see if anyone actually, you know, brings one, but baseball, at least, wasn't going to take any chances.