SLOVENIA 1, ALGERIA 0
"Whoops! Shot's coming. Now, let's see. What was it Robert Green told me just before the game? Something important. Something really, really important. What to do when someone shoots the ball. I remember! I'm supposed to stop it. Okay, so all I need to do is stop this shot. Okay, Faouchi. Focus. You've done this thousands of times. You're the best damn keeper in Algeria. You're so money, you don't even know it. I'm going to save this shot, be the hero, and they'll make commercials about me. I'm sure glad I got this opportunity, too, because I was nearly suspended for this game. But the federation stuck out its neck for me, FIFA let me play, and I'm going to reward everyone's faith in me. Faouchi Chaouchi, super keeper! I'm the best! I'm the king! I'm king of the world! I'm king of-"
GHANA 1, SERBIA 0
"Whoops! Ball's coming. Well, I'm all over this one. I'm Zdravko Kuzmanovic, I'm a White effin' Eagle, and I play for the best damn team in Europe. We are Serbia. We are invincible. And even though we're a man down, we are going to show these so-called Black Stars how the toughest defense in the tournament takes care of business. Hm, ball seems to be going over my head. There's no way I'll be able to jump that high. Wait...I've got an idea. I think I saw Thierry Henry try this once. Up - and - got it! There, and knocked away to safety. Zdravko Kuzmanovic - genius. Wait. SUPER genius. I like the sound of that. Zdravko Kuzmanovic - super genius. Wait, was that a whistle? What's everyone looking at me for?"
GERMANY 4, AUSTRALIA 0
You know how the team that finishes second will probably get Germany in the next round?
Let's not finish second.
I mean, let's don't finish third or fourth, either, but, let's also don't finish second.
Heard a great joke. Four vehicles show up to a four-way stop at the same time. One is Santa Claus' sleigh. One is the Loch Ness Monster on his skateboard. One is the Newcastle United championship parade bus. And the last one is driven by a Mexican referee who gives out cards for diving. Who has the right of way?
The Loch Ness Monster. Because the others DON'T EXIST!
In the same game?
Well. That's that joke ruined.