Group A, for Awful

Is it too early to call this the worst World Cup ever? I know you're not supposed to judge a book by the cover, but what if the cover reads "This Book Sucks"? Are we sure we want to host this crap?

The only goals of the day were on serious defensive errors, and there were only two goals all day. Yuck. The highlights of both games were a groovy saves from Khune off a Johnny Two Saints shot that looked destined for glory, and Tshabalala's great goal. Except Mexico gave Tshabalala a ten second head start - something for which I will blame Rafa Marquez, because I still hate Rafa Marquez.

I also choose to believe color commenter Efon Ekoku when he said that the Marquez goal was a lucky scuff, even though poor Ekoku was wrong about literally everything he said during the game.

I wonder what Martin Tyler was thinking when Ekoku insisted that Vela was onside in that first half sequence. "Is he kidding? Did they change the rule? How do I tell him gently that he's wrong? He's played the game, he can't be this wrong, can he? Oh, well, at least he's not telling me about messing with horns. Thank God I'll never see that idiot again."

So Khune played a fantastic game in a truly historic occasion, and what does he do? He decides to take out a long-term lease on the penthouse of my s**tlist by blaming the draw on the home fans.

I realize that calling out the home fans for support is an old trick, but it's usually done before an important game from a team that has been playing well. South Africa was lucky that Mexico choked like guinea pigs, because for the first half hour I thought I was watching a Mexico-US game from the Azteca ca. 1993 or so.

Also, when Didier Deschamps called out the French back in 1998, he was asking for support, not the pointless, idiotic white noise from plastic horns. It's almost enough to make someone cheer for France.

Speaking of which - Uruguay plays three central defenders, gets a red card, makes roughly zero serious shots on goal, and still comes away as the more sympathetic team. France might as well ritually sacrifice a puppy before their third game.

Let's disqualify Group A in its entirety, and give the Group B qualifiers a bye to the quarterfinals. It'll save us all time and effort. And we wouldn't have to see that ridiculous black jersey again from Mexico. Since when does green clash with yellow, anyway?

Almost as disappointing as the games was the refusal of Alexi Lalas and Ruud Gullit to fight to the death during halftime. It certainly would have livened up the proceedings a little.