In keeping with the latest MLS rule which apparently demands at least one truly frightening display of goalkeeping ineptitude per week, herewith Dario Sala of FC Dallas:
Some people might suggest that suckitude of that magnitude is worthy of a benching, but Salas' backup is Kevin Hartman, contributor of the last episode of "Goalkeeping: Comedy or Tragedy?" in a US Open Cup game just six days ago.
This match featured 10 yellow cards, 2 red ones (both against the Revs) and enough blown sitters and goalpost clanging for Dallas to have won this game against a toothless NE attack by 10 or 12 with even an average number of breaks.
As it is, the Revs - left with virtually no healthy talent at all and only 9 guys on the pitch - stole a point while Dallas, with plenty of talent and a playoff caliber team, remains winless.
And speaking of winless, there's DC.
Sorry. I saw the segue and I jumped on it like Lindsay Lohan on a bottle of tequila.
For how many years did MLS cook the books, engineer deals, manipulate the process, rig "special drafts" and shovel money under the table to the Metrostars in a futile attempt to get the league a dominant team in the market they see as key to their success, the town so nice they named it twice, New York New York?
Somewhere the ghost of Doug Logan must be smiling. His fondest wish has finally come true. (What? Still alive? Really? Huh. Who knew? Or cared?)
Anyway, it looks like we're going to see if one of the most cherished theories upon which the league has operated for 15 years now - the one that says "New York is the key; if the media there sees a winner in the biggest media market in the country, they'll get on board and the league will be lighting cigars with $100 bills - is true or not.
The 5-1 Red Bulls are indeed on a roll, as witnessed by the fact that they just won their fifth game on the campaign, a feat they didn't accomplish in 2009 until late October .
A good portion of the credit goes to the suddenly rock solid Bulls defense featuring early Rookie of the Year candidate Tim Ream.
And of course there's Bouna Condoul:
For their part, DC played a pretty credible match, and had by far the better of play in the first half. They only looked really bad twice, and of course coughed up goals both times including one on a 15 yard header from Angel that had no business going into the net.
The other division leader, the LA Galaxy, leads the league in every major offesnsive category including nose hair (see Doyle, Harry) ,have conceded only two goals in six matches, are 5-0-1 and look utterly unstoppable despite the fact that Landon Donovan has yet to find the net.
What's more, he seems entirely comfortable with that fact. He has a white hot forward on the field with him and is only too happy to let him do his thing:
(Best part of that clip: when the announcer says "Edson scores again...oh stop it!" Wonderful stuff.)
There's just no doubt at all that if Landon goes 0-for-2010 but gets to hoist the Cup in Toronto next November, he'll be the happiest guy in the building.
And that, my friends, is really bad news for every defense in the league: climbing all over Donovan for 90 minutes, which used to be a fairly reliable strategy, suddenly doesn't work any more.
For his part, Buddle added a second, and an assist to DeLaGarza for the Gals first non-Edson goal of the season, and has now left Bob Bradley literally no choice.
When you don't have a consistent scorer, you have to go with a streaky one who happens to be hot. Like it or not, there it is.
As for LA's opponents, Philadelphia seems determined to set a record for the number of sendoffs in a single season. Yesterday featured the third time in five games that a Unionite saw red plastic, and this one was as pointlessly stupid as they come:
What was he doing? What was he thinking?
Nowaks' team is getting a lot of practice playing with ten men, but I don't think they can count on DC keeping them out of the cellar forever. United isn't going to go 0-30, but Philly looks a lot like they may have some trouble just matching the Red Bulls five win worst-ever mark from last season.
Seattle made this whole expansion team thing look easy, didn't they guys?