Omnia Vincit Comedy

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYJdQcJDVAM"]YouTube- Chris Seitz gaffe[/ame]

Kenn links to MLSsoccer.com so I don't have to. It's not that I'm boycotting Major League Soccer Soccer, really, it's just that it frightens and confuses me. Like the iPad, or local news.

The gist of it is, that insanely funny goal Jaime Moreno scored against the Union? The one that put one more needle in the respective skulls of Jeff Cunningham, Clint Mathis, Ante Razov, and everyone else who hopes against hope to one day become the all-time MLS scoring leader? The one that summoned the late Boots Randolph from the great Benny Hill Show In The Sky to play "Yakety Sax" one more time?

Shouldn't have counted, says Paul Tamberino.

I hesitate before contradicting Paul and Kenn, but I couldn't possibly disagree more.

First of all, Seitz did everything but throw the ball into the net himself. Look at the clip. It was like a bounce pass from Bynum to Bryant at half court. There was nothing preventing Seitz from, say, holding the ball with one hand, and whapping Moreno with the other. Tamberino says Seitz deserved his six or 7 Seconds - so why didn't Seitz take them?

Second of all, that's what they call interference? I thought Peter Nowak was teaching his boys to be all tough and masculine and played soccer the way men would play. I expect more from the Goonion than "Jaime Moreno! Aaaah! Panic!"

Third, I want to see how Seitz bounces back from this. There's a fairly significant precedent out there. Back in the first couple of weeks of his MLS career, Pat Onstad put the ball in his own net. Onstad ended up with three rings. If Seitz goes on to be the biggest thing to hit town since Bob Rigby, this makes it an even better story. And if it brings a promising career to a screeching halt...well, at least Joe Biden has a story to tell.

Fourth - probably wasn't even the dumbest mistake by an MLS keeper of the weekend. I want to see how Bouna bounces back from that, too, although I have a feeling the answer is something along the lines of "Pittsburgh Riverhounds."

Fifth, I don't think even Philadelphia fans would burn a player in effigy over a goal that ended up being called back. We want to see hateful, vicious Eagles and Phillies fans attack MLS like a shipful of plague rats. I'm starting to think we might not get this, though, at least not for a long time. By and large MLS fans are so much more pleasant to be around than their local mainstream equivalents.

Don't think so? Okay then.

Revs fans, Metrobull fans, Fire fans, Quake fans, FCD fans.

Red Sox fans, Yankee fans, Cubs fans, Raiders fans, Cowboys fans.

Column A seems pretty damned awesome right now, don't it?

I think our Philadelphia initiates are going to fall in the same mode, viz., I'd rather be trapped in an elevator with twelve Union fans than listen to the same radio station as an Eagles fan. But we'll never get what we hoped for - the Sons of Ben as Toecutter's motorcycle gang from "Mad Max" - if the Union play good every week.

Sixth - look, Paul, I know you're a referee, but why such a buzzkill? Did you also go "Clash of the Titans" and point out that the daily protein and calorie intake necessary would make it extremely ecologically unlikely that natural selection would allow a Kraken to evolve? I'll bet you'd call travelling on the Harlem Globetrotters, too.