MLS plans double penetration for DP rule

When I saw that Chivas USA had a new jersey sponsor, I immediately had to find out what it is I needed to boycott. Turns out it'll be easier than I hoped:

Through more research than the subject warranted, we learn that Extra is owned by Grupo Modelo, 49% of which is owned by Anheuser-Busch. So that's probably how Extra heard of Chivas USA in the first place. I'm sure someone out there knows how much the deal is worth, but MLSsoccer.com and its daughter Chivas USA site have not chosen to officially announce the deal. I'm sure there's a good reason for that.

I don't understand. Peter Nowak insisted his team was going to play like men, but he has already released Dave Myrie, he of the hilarious hip-check foul on Steve Zakuani. Who's next, Toni Stahl? Danny Califf? Michael Orozco? It's been all downhill for the Goonion* ever since they failed to sign Dema Kovalenko to a DP contract.

I thought this was pretty sad, from the San Jose Mercury News:

God, I know! Coaches are weird like that. If you can't play, it's like they don't even want to talk to you.

I suppose there's a story here - one of the coaches in question for most of this cycle was a fellow by the name of Nowak, which might explain why Convey is playing for a team on the other end of the nation from his hometown. But I have a feeling, based on Convey's form since coming back to MLS, that it's a pretty boring story.

I don't know what would be more scary - Bob Bradley picking based on personality, or Sacha Kljestan passing that personality test.

Hey, about that Designated Player rule? Yeah, get thee not terribly excited.

By the way, not to pile on when the definitive takedown of the site was posted already, but you really don't want to know how much easier this information was to find than anything on MLSSoccer.com.

And like MLSSoccer.com, the simple list of names doesn't tell the whole story. Nobody tell Toronto or Seattle, but there has been a long history of guys in the league who were paid more than what they were charged against the cap. Even back when they called it a cap instead of a budget. Back then, guys like Jorge Campos, Carlos Valderrama, Tab Ramos, John Harkes, Alexi Lalas and Eric Wynalda were called "marquee" players. Back in those days, salaries were extremely carefully guarded secrets, but you can go through this list and make some intelligent guesses as to who got paid and who got real heavy paid.

You will also notice that the chart of quality of play from those players was pretty much 1/salary or 1/fame, Valderrama and Etcheverry excepted.

Behold the pitfall of paying one player vastly more than the rest of the squad, occasionally the rest of the squad put together. The Beckham Experiment started out life as the Campos Disaster. The bigger the hammer, the more chance it has to hit your thumb.

Another word about the marquee players...the biggest of them all, Valderrama? Two of his teams don't exist anymore.

This rule is going to have far less of an effect than you think. Stupid teams will still make stupid decisions. Conservative teams in small markets are not going be twice as willing to spend twice as much money overnight.

Who's likely to get double DP'd along with Los Angeles? New York, of course. Their allocation, marquee and DP history boils down to two categories - JPA and crap. Maybe they'll finally sign George Weah.

Here's where I disagree with those who say Toronto and Seattle will do so immediately, and it boils down to...why? To draw more fans? Sigi Schmid doesn't really build around superstars to begin with. I honestly see the Sounders taking their time with this one - there's too much going right up there to screw around with, and I think Sigi remembers quite well what happens if you add someone like, to pick a couple of examples at random, Carlos Hermosillo, Luis Hernandez and Hong Myung-Bo.

The Sounders will make a much better choice than TFC, though. I hate to pile on Mo Johnston, but he's been the one constant in their glorious history so far, and as the saying goes, you can't argue with his success. He needs another DP pick like J.D. Salinger needed a publicist.

You would think Chicago, DC United, and Chivas USA would come up with a couple each...except they started this year with none.

Who's going to stay with zero? Kansas City, Colorado, New England, and of course Dallas. Dallas used to have okay to good luck with their foreign players, but it's all gone to hell for them. No wonder they cling to Dario Sala so ferociously.

Who should think about it, but probably won't? San Jose. Darren Huckerby was the only reason to pay any attention to them, and he wasn't even a Designated Player. Of course, Bobby Convey has probably spooked them as much as Huckerby's injury and retirement did.

Salt Lake should, too - but do you think Checketts is going to spend the money required to keep that team together? Especially if they can win Cups on the cheap?

The Crew don't need one, at least I don't think so. And as with Dallas, I'm not getting a big "spending spree" vibe from Hunt Sports Group. I don't see Peter Nowak hiring someone he can't boss around, let alone two guys who would make vastly more than him. And Houston will probably use their second DP slot on Dick Gregory.

Former comedian. Nutritionist. For Luis Angel Landin. Who's fat.

This is part of an ongoing series of why The Big Change In MLS You've Been Screaming For Will End Up A Big Hot Cup of Nothing. Coming up next: the return of the Reserve League.

*I know someone beat me to this. I didn't steal it, but - well, remind me to tell you the story of the guy in my brother's high school band who came up with this awesome riff, and it turned out to be the hook from "Smoke on the Water."