Congressional ReSoLution; or, Vexation Without Representation

I see Banfield won the Argentine championship last week. Congratulations, Ashleigh!

Speaking of political reporters, I'm sure you all read how Real Salt Lake was unanimously saluted in the House of Representatives for their undeserved, ill-gotten and unfair championship.

Okay, first of all, Congressman, Cinderella was beautiful. RSL was, at best, the slightly less ugly stepsister.

Second, MASSACHUSETTS is kicking us while we're down? Hey, thanks a pantload.

You know what, I'm going to be That Guy. The Boston Pilgrims won the very first World Series in 1903. So that's your early success.

Suffered forever. At least you had a LEAGUE and GAMES and PLAYERS. Suffering forever is going decades without even being able to see a match.*

It's the unanimous that gets me. When it comes to baseball, at least. There were plenty of bitter Phillies/Red Sox/Yankee haters willing to say "the ing Yankees" [G-rated version].

So where was MY Congressman, when my team lost in the worst possible way? Voting for the ENEMY, that's where.

...actually, Congressman Lynch voted for the Yankees, as well. He's either got a very forgiving constituency, or he's about to find out otherwise.

As we've all read by now, Landon Donovan has gone full Patty Hearst, siding with the people who brought David Beckham into his life.

Or HAS he?

...nope, he has.

Sure, even Dory from "Finding Nemo" might remember the last time the Galaxy sent an important player under an ironclad contract off to Europe to keep in shape. But I imagine that, for once, we can take this at face value. About two minutes in the World Cup draw, England became a bad choice for Donovan to look at relocating for keeps. The English don't really have a sense of humor towards those who cross their national team - forget Cristiano Ronaldo, they're still mad at Maradona. Hell, they're still mad at Alexi Lalas, Jack Charlton, and probably Antonio Rattin for good measure.

Even for Donovan, who allegedly was willing to consider playing home games at the freaking Azteca, it's a daunting prospect. He's probably only going to Everton to smuggle out Tim Howard safely, but who will rescue Clint Dempsey?

*Anglophilia is now a capital crime in American soccer circles, which is a shame, because one of the jokes I never got around to making was the suggestion that truly longtime RSL fans wear shirts that said "Where Were You During The Blitzz?" Along those lines, TFC fans should sing "Where were you when we were Lynx?"