Award season in full swing

Wait...didn't Rubin Kazan direct "On The Waterfront"?

And with that, I complete my UEFA Champions League commentary for the year 2009.

Meanwhile, Landon Donovan has won his sixth Honda Player of the Year award, given to the outstanding US national team player. (I nearly wrote "outstnading," which would have given unearthly delight to our friends who support Mexico.)

This is not the award given out by the USSF, seeing as how the lead story on ussoccer.com is the release of the U-17 World Cup roster. Landon will get a Chevy for that, I believe, and not a Honda. The Honda award is given by the press, while the USSF award is given by - well, us, partly:

Landon has only won the USSF award three times so far, which clearly means either the fans hate him, or the Fed is appalled by his Winehousian off-field shenanigans.

Why does the US soccer media participate in two separate awards? Well, there's an interesting story behind that. You see...no, just kidding, there can't in a billion years be an interesting story behind that. I assume the US soccer press just loves filling out forms.

Seriously, this question would take a grand total of ten minutes to get the answer to. And I genuinely pity anyone who cares.

Also, the USSF gives an award to women's national team players, too, which Honda doesn't. Because Honda doesn't think women should play soccer. BOO HONDA! YOU SUCK! I'm kidding, of course. It's not because women can't play soccer. It's because women can't drive.

KIDDING! I'm KIDDING! Hey, I ran that joke by my wife before I posted it, all right?

Yeah, she beat the living sh*t out of me.

Anyhoo. Landon's up for another prestigious award - the Riot Squad Player of the Year award. The voting for this is simple. Each member of the Riot Squad sends an e-mail with their choice in the subject line. The winner is the player who buys beer for the Riot Squad tailgate. Democracy in action!

I know what you're thinking. Yes, Beckham would win if he bought the Riot Squad beer. Sacha Freaking Kljestan would probably win if he bought the Riot Squad beer, or at least finish in the top three.