More Table Talk, or, If Sacha Ran the Zoo

Sacha Kljestan did the impossible over the weekend. He got me to cheer for Chivas USA making the playoffs. Hell, I hope they win MLS Cup now.

Wait! I can explain!

Sorry, another Rocky Horror reference. I should stop that.

In the rapid-fire interview FSC does, "Six Impossible Questions Before Halftime," Sacha Kljestan was asked, "What would you do if you were commissioner for a day?", and replied, "Establish a single table and get rid of the playoffs."

I'll never know what Peter Vagenas said to that same question, because I was too busy, as the kids say, rolling on the floor laughing.

That's the first thing Sacha would do, before giving MLS players raises? Wonder how Eddie Pope, the MLS Players Union, and Sacha's underpaid teammates reacted to that one - "Hey, thanks for the big help with the collective bargaining agreement."

But more to the point - according to those lovable scamps at Sports Club Stats, CUSA has almost exactly an equal chance of winning the Supporters Shield as they do of missing the playoffs altogether. So, in eighty-eight chances out of a hundred, this year Kljestan's team will be one of the seven direct beneficiaries of the system he decries.

I wonder how he will react? Will he gallantly decline the playoff chance, on the grounds that it's an affront to his football sensibilities?

And let's say CUSA has a few upsets, and rolls all the way to Seattle for a Miracle on 70% Sand, 30% Rubber. Is he going to refuse the medal? Let's see how sincere he is.

In fact, no, we need the Galaxy to win MLS Cup after all, now more than ever. Because I want to see Kljestan pull a Kanye on the medal stand. "Yo, Landon, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Columbus had one of the best seasons of all time. One of the best seasons of all time!" *staggers off drunk*

Except the Seattle crowd, unlike the Radio City Music Hall crowd, will give Sacha a standing ovation for interrupting.


Eh, while we're here. Yeah, I think Columbus is back to being your rock-solid favorite for the Shield, if not the double. They've been really impressive the past couple of weeks - sure got the stink of that Cruz Azul trip out of the air. Yeah, I know MLSnet said they had one of (ninja edit) the hardest schedules left in the league, and that should give everyone a nice dose of false hope.

But every one of their competitors either was wildly disappointing this past weekend (New England, Seattle (EDIT - and the Raps)), has a killer schedule left (Los Angeles, CUSA (um, no, you actually don't want to face NYRB and the Quakes right now)), has serious-ass fixture congestion (Houston), or can't freaking in at home (Fire).

By the way, if the season were to end today, Columbus would play Chivas USA in the first round - and, presumably, would get a bye to the semifinal, since Kljestan would undoubtedly convince his teammates that the Crew are the season's rightful champions anyway.