Nor Gloom of Night

Someone give Montero Karl Malone's old "Mailman" nickname. Not only did Montero deliver, but he also got a stamp.

Look, how was I supposed to know Wicks was gonna lose his mind?

"Dan, he did just last Saturday, against a teammate."

So? He should have got it out of his system, then!

I guess we'll never know who the actual better team was, although I suppose Seattle scoring first is a hint. I thought ten guys for DC United played well. Hell, I thought Wicks was great, right up until he killed his team. Chernobyl was probably a really good nuclear reactor, too, right up until it wasn't.

Still, I'd like to have seen what would have happened in a true 11 v. 11 match. I guess we won't know until MLS Cup HA HA HA HA HA HA God, I'm so amazingly funny.

I hate to keep dwelling on Wicks here, but the scope of his mistake was so huge, it might rank as a turning point in the franchise. DC United ran their figurative mouths about winning this game, but they also put a lot of capital into winning - as in, money. They're currently out of a playoff spot, with the crunch time of the schedule to come. Oh, and they're trying to get a new stadium.

So there was a considerable financial stake in winning this game, as well as the pride factor. They had a LOT riding on this horse, and seeing the vet pull the tent around it a furlong from the finish line wasn't exactly what they needed.

If that wasn't the worst day in franchise history, it's in the top five. And it's 100% the fault of some Bruce Arena reject throwing a tantrum that would have embarrassed an AYSO parent. I sure as hell hope Wicks is renting.

("But Montero embellished." Why was there anything TO embellish?)

The good news for Wicks is, Portland's coming into MLS, he's an old Timber anyway, and stomping on a Seattle Sounder isn't exactly something that will alienate their fans.

The Sounders are interesting, as well as smug, in victory. (By the way, it's fashionable to hate on Seattle's pride in attendance and winning, but the only teams whose players, administrators and fanbases haven't been sadistically smarmy in triumph are those which haven't won nothin' yet - and oh by the way, it was DC United who set that particular precedent.)

(Although, having said that, it does say something that neutral MLS fans, having suffered under years of DCU tyranny, have gotten a load of Seattle's act after less than one season and actually said "Yeah, I kinda hope DC wins, just to shut them up.")

(Although, having said THAT - God help us all if the Galaxy win anything this year. Even I don't want to hear from Galaxy fans if LA wins anything, and I am a Galaxy fan. We'll make you wish for a Toronto FC double, mark my words. Where the hell was I?)

Oh, right. Here's some of what Drew Carey said:

I wish he had named names. The sad part is, it's tough to narrow down who he is talking about, and I honestly don't think, despite the occasion, that he meant DC United.

The names that leap to mind are Hunt, Kraft, Kroenke and Anschutz, and while they make tempting targets, keep in mind they do know what it's like to be $250 million in the hole on a pro soccer league. If their teams are in the black today, it was because a decade or more of hard work was put in, so it's understandable if long-term MLS grunts are looking at Seattle and Toronto like Muddy Waters in 1964 seeing the Rolling Stones calling themselves bluesmen.