Real Facts

Here at the BigSoccer World Journalism Headquarters and Storm Door Company, where we leave no stone unturned in our pursuit of truth, justice and a decent pastrami on rye, we like to think of ourselves as chameleons. (Except for Ollie, of course. He's a karma chameleon. He comes and goes.)

So when it's important - or when we've got nothing else to talk about - we're more than happy to cross reportorial boundaries and cover items of interest from fields besides soccer. Or, if you prefer, football.

(And thank God we don't see more than one or two noobs a week attacking someone over the name of the game any more. Who gives a crap what you call it anyway? The purpose of language is communication, and if I say "soccer" and you know what I'm talking about, then the function has been served. Plus, I understand that, in the interests of truth in packaging, the government is taking a couple hours off from the tireless spending of our great-grandchildren's money and working up a bill to rename that other game:

So in light of our journalistic flexibility, I'm moving across the aisle to the Entertainment desk to pass along the news that Victoria Beckham has - incredibly - found gainful employment.

It seems that after Paula Abdul's request for $10 million a year was turned down - and really, that's barely enough to cover her expenses for Vanilla Stoly and Sopers - someone came up with the out-of-the-blue idea of bringing in Posh to take her place.

Well, OK, so Simon Fuller is the producer of American Idol and finding gainful employment for the Beckham family is a full time vocation for him, so it wasn't exactly a big stretch, but still.

At the moment they have her penciled in for just one show but it's believed that she'd like to make it a full time gig. After that whole Victoria Beckham Comes to America thing, (which I thought was hilarious but I keep reading that it was the worst garbage on TV since My Mother the Car or the 1996 Presidential Debates so I must be wrong) she desperately needs regular work and maybe this is her ticket.

No word on whether she'll be asked to smile once in awhile.

A faithful correspondent sent me a link to this video yesterday and happily give him credit but he's apparently shy, but the piece deserves a wide audience:

[ame=""]YouTube - Miami FC Going Bald for Fans! 2[/ame]

I think this is an idea whose time has come.

"Hi, I'm Jeff Cunningham, and I play for FC Dallas. You know, the soccer team. Soccer. S-O-C-C-E-R. The round ball you kick thing that your daughters play?

Anyway, I play Center GetTheOtherTeam'sCoachFired and I'm tired of doing it in front of 1500 people. We're on a two game winning streak here, and for all you care we might as well be playing in Lubbock.

So we're going to be hosting DC United - that's another soccer team. S-O-C-C...just look it up. alright? - on September 5 and if we sell out Pizza Hut Park that day then me and my teammates promise we'll all shave our heads.

Well, except Brek Shea. He's just too pretty."

Speaking of Dallas - which we do far too seldom around here - if you visited FAKE SIGI a little more often then you'd have caught his reference to this sterling example of American Soccer announcing:

First, here's the clip:

Brilliant long distance, cross-field assist from Shea and an absolute cracker of a one touch goal.

Here's how the play-by-play man described it:

. . . about the benefits, for more info, visit the Hooper's Kids Club sign up table located at the Hooper's Hang Out, or checkout FC Dallas dot com . . . and FC Dallas goes up 4-0! Jeff Cunningham is having himself a night - won't let me get the promos in.

Martin Tyler doesn't have much to worry about.

All of the soccer blogoshere is crack-a-lacking with the New York Red Bulls death watch.

BRIAN LEWIS says R.I.P. Red Bulls 2009. Of course, since Uncle Fester up in Canada ("a soccer article - in the New York Post of all places!") has apparently never heard of Lewis, maybe we should just ignore him and move on to Fester's "partner site" (which rhymes with "MLSTumors") where a super-secret correspondent who wishes to remain anonymous says that he has it on good authority that Osorio may be fired.

No, really. And apparently the sky is blue.

Actual soccer sites like THE KIN OF FISH are mulling over the scope of the disaster while over in MLS News and Analysis ManicalClown is DOING THE LEGWORK as far the race to be the worst MLS team ever.

The incomparable BEAU DURE says that they have to somehow get six points from their nine remaining games to finish statistically ahead of the current record holder, the 2001 Mutiny.

Compounding the situation is the fact that their best player MAY WANT OUT which is hardly surprising.

Finally, I had a hard time beleveing that The Sun was able to get so much traction with the "Clark Hunt to Buy West Ham" story, considering that this exact same rumor popped up last Fall and HSG laughed it off.

And SHAWN MITCHELL says they're laughing it off once again.

I can't imagine a worse fit, or a more unlikely scenario, than Hunt Sports Group running a Premiership team. There's just no way that works, and anyone who could imagine for a moment that it would is just plain silly.