"'What' Ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in 'What'?"

So after a few days straight out of Dante, I finally get the chance to sit down peacefully and post to the blog before that sniveling little ratfaced pinko Dan Loney gets the idea that the whole damn thing has been turned over to him.

So I log on, full of fire and vim and ready to do battle with the forces of evil and darkness and International Freemasonry and, of course, Dan has ALREADY COVERED THE STUFF I AM TOTALLY CRANKED UP ABOUT.

Fortunately, it takes more than the threat of being called a cribber to keep me from my appointed rounds, so herewith I give you The Rest of the Story"

To start with, Kevin Payne ISN'T REAL HAPPY with Adrian Hanauer's whineyass self-righteous blabbering about the site of the US Open Cup which, for some absurd reason, USSF was not keen on playing at 1 PM Pacific on a Tuesday. On artificial turf. With football lines. Wearing dresses.

Well OK, I made the last one up but that's about all that's missing from making Seattle's bid possibly the worst gamesite proposal since the Russians tried to get a UEFA Cup match as part of their annual "Katyn Woods Was the German's Fault" festival.

Look, if Hanauer wants to claim that USSF is a backdoor outfit that's run like The Mob except with cheaper suits, I'll be the first to agree.

And everybody is really quite happy that Seattle has seen a tremendous response to MLS this year. Nobody is jealous, nobody's nose is out of joint and nobody is cheating them out of an event, despite what they seem to think.

We're happy that Seattle is doing so well, but in the immortal words of Harvey Keitel, "Let's not start in sucking each others (lollipops) quite yet, gentlemen".

I know I'll offend a lot of guys in Seattle when I say this, because all it took was me commenting once a while back that I think MLS should insist on natural grass games for the flannel shirt triple latte brigade to start the tiresome "Archer hates Seattle" paranoia parade but I really don't give enough of a crap to keep me from asking:

If you're so great where the hell have you been since 1996?

I mean look, nobody is the least bit unhappy that a bunch of people sweated bullets and lost hundreds of millions of dollers and survived a couple close calls as far as shutting this league down. It was part of the deal and we were happy to do it. Proud, even.

But it takes a really special brand of arrogance to show up 14 freakin years later with a sense of entitlement.

Here's some unsolicited advice for you Adrian, which will beyond question be completely distorted and misconstrued by the Seattle faithful:

You've had an MLS team now for a few weeks and if you want to get all chesty about it, that's just keen. Be loud, be proud, all that crap.

But what everyone hears you saying is "Thanks for sweating bullets for 14 long, painful years and creating this swell league, you bunch of worthless losers. Now please get out of our way because we're great and you suck".

And - shockingly - it's not making you any freinds. Go figure.