This Mike Ammann interview is incredible

and so is this one:

EDIT - wow, Ammann got popular all of a sudden. Also Soccernet.

...but wait, he should have kept all that stuff in the locker room! He's being unprofessional! Tab Ramos should tell a reporter that Ammann needs to learn how to show respect!

Yeah, sorry, this is going to end up being another Beckham post. But let's at least talk about Red Bull New York. There's plenty of standalone comedy there.

I hadn't previously realized the size of the axe that Ammann had to grind against Osorio, but on the other hand, well, you can't argue with JCO's success. Right now, being upstaged by Beckham is the best thing that can happen to the Red Bulls, although to be honest tomorrow's game looks a lot like the merger of Ringling Brothers with Barnum & Bailey.

I have zero evidence for this, but I'm gonna go way out on a limb and guess that Ammann is channelling at least a couple of players in the locker room. Soccer players are the sort of people who wonder why they don't start in the middle of a twelve game winning streak, so I imagine the only people more frustrated and annoyed than Red Bull fans are Red Bull benchwarmers. Because, seriously, what a negative value judgment.

Can an American soccer team be run from Austria? Based on the results of Red Bull GmbH summoning Stover and Agoos to Europe - viz., nothing - probably not. I mean, talk about a carbon footprint failure. Can't Red Bull afford videoconferencing? Given that the summit meeting didn't end with JCO being awarded the Order of the Shitcan, that leaves two options. (a) Austria and East Rutherford are planning big, long-range, and monstrous roguery that will change and ruin millions of lives. (b) "Woo woo! All aboard the Clue Train!" "Meh, we'll catch the next one."

I suppose it's possible that MLS ordered the Red Bulls not to improve until Beckham is safely out of town...but I think New York wins tomorrow night. Mostly because, the Galaxy have rearranged their practices and lineup, in the middle of a winning streak, to accommodate a player who, apparently, is going crazy before our very eyes.

Stop reading here if you're sick of Beckham. No, go, save yourself. It's too late for me.

I thought Grahame Jones was exaggerating with his headline, ""David Beckham pledges to stay in L.A." I also assumed there had to be a loophole in this:

Because the alternative is that Beckham lied through his teeth in front of a bunch of reporters.

And as far as I can tell, Nick Green of the Daily News was the only one to call him on it, either at the time or in print. (EDIT - no, at least a couple of people also went "Wha?" Mark Ziegler isn't buying into Beckham, for example.)

Among the questions that should have leapt to mind were "So, Fabio Capello doesn't care if you play in a second-rate league anymore?", "Then why did you tell reporters in Glasgow last January that you wanted to stay in Milan permanently?", "You're going to play games on artificial turf and risk your World Cup spot?", "Are you ********ing kidding me?", and so forth. I doubt we'll get good answers.

Well, rather, I think we'll get our answers, in real time, unfolding before us like a disembowelled gazelle, as the fortunes of both Beckham and Galaxy bleed out onto the savanna to be devoured by laughing hyenas.

I've overused the guy from "Memento" metaphor, but I can't explain Beckham any other way. Maybe he has little photographs in his shorts reminding him he's a soccer player, for every time he wakes up in a disoriented cloud. It would certainly explain that penalty kick he took in Euro 2002.

Well, that, or he's a damned liar. But everyone tells me he's the model professional athlete and teammate, so that can't be it. By the way, the nerve of that damned Landon Donovan, telling us we haven't always been at war with Eastasia.