Is It Friday Yet?

In keeping with the hoary old MLS tradition of never announcing anything that everybody doesn't already know, the Philadelphia MLS entry will announce on Monday that they're going to be known henceforth as THE UNION.

Since it's been bouncing around the interweb all week, beginning with the now-customary "practice run" on mlsnet.com (Why do they continually do this? They always get caught. And what's the point, exactly? Is their web guy so unsure of his skills that he needs to run a quick look-see every time they add a logo to the top line?)

The Inquirer also notes that the colors will be blue and gold (actual gold-looking gold, not the banana yellow that the apparently colorblind Crew calls gold), and suggests that singing songs from noted communist Woody Guthrie would be most appropriate.

Personally, I would think songs from noted stoner Arlo Guthrie would be more appropriate.

"Don't check my bags if you please, Mr. Customs man.."

One city that will not be making any MLS-related announcements on Monday is the Montreal Impact, which is coincidentally the topic of this weeks " INCREDIBLY FACT_FREE SUMMARY of the Montreal/Saputo bid from last Fall.

The writer opines that MLS "Blew a Great Chance" when they stiff armed the Impact, but the writer is so busy making up - and mangling and ignoring - facts that it's really hard to know where to begin.

This year, the Impact withdrew its application for an MLS expansion franchise because it felt the franchise fee of $40 million was too high,

He apparently is unconvinced by JOEY SAPUTO'S ASSERION that "Montreal never at any point withdrew its bid from the process. We were rather informed that our bid was not retained.

MLS failed to see the value of adding a vibrant soccer market.

No, it was Joey Saputo who refused to make the same investment everyone else was willing to make.

MLS has since awarded franchises to Vancouver and Philadelphia

If you're going to take the league to task, at least get the facts right.

He then goes into a few paragraphs of attendance smack and ends up making some comments about David Beckham, saying that he has frequently missed games because of injuries and international commitments,

(did MLS intentionally injure the guy or ask that England call him in?)

".. and he didn't do MLS any favours when he fought to stay with AC Milan for the remainder of the Serie A season. In the process, he branded MLS as a second-rate league.

Excuse me, but if MLS is such a "second rate league" then why does Montreal want in so badly?

Perhaps instead of blaming MLS for Joey's lack of vision and/or guts, the writer could dust off his French grammar and peruse THIS EXTRAORDINARY COLLECTION OF LIES from Pal Joey before taking his word for much of anything.

My French is a little better than my dismal Spanish, which allows me to state with some certainty that in that piece Joey claims Commissioner Garber told him that Stade Saputo is a better facility than BMO in Toronto, and that he wishes the USA would build a bunch of places just like it.

He doesn't actually say for what, exactly, but the word that went around after Garber toured SS was that The Don was signally unimpressed. Beer is cheaper at SS, which I greatly respect, but otherwise there's nothing that makes Joey's Place better than BMO, and nobody believes that Garber actua;lly said anything of the sort.

However, now that SAPUTO HAS DISCOVERED that other teams have nicer places and that the taxpayers mostly footed the bill, now all of a sudden the $15 million he felt would bbring his building into MLS has doubled to $30 million and he figures he start play in 2011, although the league has said 2011 bids are now closed.

What does this guy drink, anyway?

In other expansion news, I'll have to defer to my leftist friends to interpret what it means when "PROGRESSIVES" SHOULD SUPPORT new facilities in Portland, but THE SOCIALISTS ARE AGAINST IT.

I wish we could ask Woody.

However any of this turns out, I just hope that Commissioner Garber is aware of the kinds of problems they're having in Swaziland, where APPARENTLY WITCH DOCTORS ARE A HUGE PROBLEM.

On the other hand, if it would draw another 3,000 fans per game, I bet Don be happy to strip to the waist, cover himself in ashes and bury himself a little juju or mojo or whatever.

That's the kind of guy he is.