Promises Broken, NSFW Hungarians and Cashmere Cleats

I really don't like breaking promises.

Among other things, whenever I promise Princess Moonbeam that I'll go with her and spend the day with that shrewish cow mother of hers and then come up with something more pressing - say, rearranging my sock drawer - I immediately get "The Look" which married guys will immediately recognize as "You might as well sleep in the car tonight, Pal".

Which means I'm going to have to make up for it by taking her to buy organic rhubarb or watch a movie about reading auras or buy a goat or something. Terrifying.

So it's with great regret that I - just this once - am "suspending" (better word than "reneging" or "welshing") my agreement with a commenter a couple months back to refrain from talking about Dave Beckham.

I'm sorry, Man. You like rhubarb?

The reason I'm doing this is because of the story which is now going viral all across the footie universe which suggests that Stupid Spice doesn't want to come back to the Galaxy.

I'll give you a moment to recover from the shock.

The story was originally published in an Italian paper and first hit the English speaking regions of the Interweb through the kind auspices of GOAL.COM who, I must confess, I was less than kind to last week, but when they come through I have to swallow my pride and say so.

Goal reports that Becks is so very much smitten with AC Milan that he wants to go through the offseason and preseason with them and that his "legal team" (a very busy bunch, but presumably very well paid) is even now in LA trying to extricate Mr. Spice from the agreement everyone painstakingly hammered out just a few short weeks ago.

I tell ya, the guy is worse than that idiot Bret Favre who, in case you haven't heard, is considering un-retiring again. Really. Gosh, who could have predicted that?

All of this of course comes on the heels of the Beckham-spotting and Tommy Smith drooling event of yesterday where, reportedly, Manchester United won a game against someone or other.

But to hell with that": BECKHAM WAS THERE!

As you can see from his giving Flamini the business after ManU's second goal, he enjoyed himself tremendously. But then, doesn't he always? I mean, always except when he's wearing a Galaxy shirt.

This comes on the heels of another breathtaking event, ie. the announcement that DBecks will be DESIGNING SOME DUDS FOR adidas.

And lest you think that Posh's hubby will be doing the Michael Jordan shorts-and-sneakers kind of a thing, "it has been reported that his line at Adidas will be "on-trend American sportswear in relaxed fits and luxurious fabrics, including leather, cashmere, and silk."

So apparently this is aimed at the American market? A market which, just coincidentally, he told to take a flying leap just last month and who he's reportedly considering shunning altogether?

If this is Simon Fuller's idea of a strong PR campaign, man, I need to get back into Marketing 101.

Of course, this kind of grand idea is just one of the reasons why adidas is IN A HEAP OF TROUBLE since, regardless of your financial assumptions, I think we can all agree that a "97% drop in profit" last quarter certainly, as they say in the ivory towers of finance, sucks the fat one..

Now if they're indeed COUNTING ON BECKHAM TO SAVE ADIDAS, well, let's just say that I don't believe for a minute that selling Beckham-branded "relaxed fit" silk and cashmere to American men is likely to be the bustout fountain of money they're hoping for.

Maybe it's just me.

(Just for the kind of perspective we need to keep in mind ITTET, LET IT BE NOTED THAT NIKE is pretty much OK at the moment. Which is a good thing since, if the Swoosh suffered a 97% profit drop in one quarter they might have to ask Micheal Jordan for a little something to tide them over until payday.)

Along the same lines I came across THIS INCREDIBLE ARTICLE from some website I never heard of, but where the writer has clearly atended the Dan Loney School of Writing for Fun and Profit, where she learned to toss off lines like

"if I happened to run into Victoria Beckham buying bunion slings in a Hollywood CVS I could glance at her archly over my ten-pack of Almond Joys and sniff, “What are you doing here?”

and

"Did Americans pause and raise their heads like meerkats when David’s cleats hit the tarmac?"

and

"Were they missionaries on a pilgrimage to teach lowly Americans about the world-except-for-America-renowned game of Soccer? Or, as I believe non-Americans call it, Foot Game?"

Read the whole thing.

Anyway, so the Beckham money train rolls on, INCLUDING THE NEW DEAL WITH MOTOROLA which, in case you missed it, has to do with a phone called the Aura which is "Inspired by a modern interpretation of classical renaissance sculpture, combined with the beauty, power and craftsmanship of the Aura phone, the image showing the intricate workings of Beckham as never seen before".

Which will be easy, actually, since I don't know of anyone who has "seen the inner workings of Beckham" except possibly his proctologist.

Over at Fox Sports, meanwhile, they're wondering DOES ANYBODY CARE ABOUT BECKHAM ANY MORE?. Apparently the answer is no, although anyone who writes a piece like that citing John Carver as a rational observer calls their own sanity into question.

There also seem to be some PROBABLY NSFW RUMORS regarding Becks having a trot around the barn with some Eastern European doxie who makes her living by wearing no clothing, but it turns out that she's really just making a play for her 15 minutes of fame. Unfortunately, she's coming up 14:30 short.

The real question would seem to be: if Beckham isn't plowing that field, why the hell not?

Anyway, now I've gotten it out of my system. Thanks for your forbearance. Peace.