Racketeering? In Chicago? You don't say?

Hurray! The US Soccer Supporters Club is here! Now I can be a fan!

Beau suggests calling up US Soccer and asking how existing fan groups are going to be treated now that the USSSSSSSSSSC has come to pass...like a kidneystone.

Although I highly recommend calling up US Soccer and asking loaded questions about existing fan groups - preferably loaded questions laced with profanity - the Feds have actually anticipated this, and tried to helpfully answer:

Translation:

The US Soccer Supporters Club sucks. It's not even worth taking the press release and spewing bile at it.

But screw it, I will. What are they going to do? Sue me for copyright violation? It's a press release. Presumably they want people to know. So let's spread a little sunshine.

Because the US is going to have a HUGE allotment of tickets for a tournament they won't host.

Suitable for hanging.

First Founding Fan that tries to speak for me will get a look of EXTREMELY withering scorn. I will practice that look in the mirror preparing for that confrontation, too.

Suckers.

Well, gosh, Founding Fans, if it's a scarf you want:

Only 25.90 Euros.

Like peeing your pants while wearing a dark suit. It gives you a warm feeling, but no one notices.

Yes, do read the Terms and Conditions.

Why? Why limit a fan club? Metallica doesn't, and it's not like Metallica doesn't know every angle of exploiting gullible fans.

There are only a couple of reasons why the Federation would limit an official fan club this way.

1. This is a glorified Personal Seat License program, contractual and consent issues make offering this deal to minors problematic.

2. US Soccer intends to send hardcore pornography through the US mail system.

Still think this is about something besides World Cup tickets?

While the USSF didn't pioneer the Personal Seat License, this is probably one of the very few examples of PSLs being sold by an entity that isn't running the event in question. PSLs are also usually transferable, whereas these most certainly are not.

The World Cup isn't played every year, either, so the only intelligent time to join this for World Cup tickets would be in years when there are tickets to be allotted. So join next year, don't renew, rejoin in 2014, repeat.

The only real reason to touch this dead rat is when the US is announced as a World Cup host, and not one second before.

I can understand cynically exploiting undeserved popularity - see; Galaxy, Los Angeles - but they would actually have made more money with an official fan club that didn't offer World Cup tickets - or the dream of one - and then when ticket time rolled around, giving those fans the first shot at buying a PSL. And if people - kids, for example - still wanted to get exclusive scarves and free gifts and such, the Fed would have their money too. This would have been more cynical, more honest, more lucrative, and yet more respectable.

But this? This wouldn't have made it past day one of economics class, Sunil.

And, best of all, you announce this on Tax Day. We must have an El Tri mole in Soccer House, there's no other explanation.