Week 3 Power Rankings!

Rankings based on fan support. Since hooliganism is all the rage, fan support has been interpreted through the city's rate of aggravated assault.

EASTERN CONFERENCE:
1. Toronto
2. Kansas City
3. Boston
4. Chicago
5. DC United
6. New York
7. Columbus

WESTERN CONFERENCE:
1. Real Salt Lake
2. Houston
3. Dallas
4. Colorado
5. Seattle
6. (tie) Chivas USA
6. (tie) Los Angeles
8. San Jose

WPS:
1. St. Louis - sorry, SAINT Louis
2. Boston
3. Chicago
4. Washington
5. Los Angeles
6. Sky Blue
7. FC Gold Pride

Disclaimer on this week's Power Rankings!:

Nevertheless, if you don't like your ranking, well, have a go if you think you're hard enough!!

Kansas City and Salt Lake City didn't report figures to the FBI - at least, Wikipedia says they didn't. Therefore, they shall be treated as the crime-ridden hellholes they undoubtedly are. According to Canadian propaganda, Toronto is by a considerable margin the safest city in MLS, but latest statistics don't take into account rampaging gangs of TFC hooligans throwing baseballs and railings all over the place, so their ranking has been adjusted to that of a post-apocalyptic Mad Max-style nomadic motorcycle gang.