Has Fredy Montero Committed a "Handling Infraction"?

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The Seattle Sounders
"Parade to the Championship" tour has run into a bit of a speed bump.

It seems that Wunderkind/Instant Legend Fredy Montero, MLS Player of the Month, winner of two consecutive MLS Goal of the Week awards and poster boy for the Seattle Sounders Miracle Season, is in some serious legal hot water.

A Sammamish, Washington woman told King County Sheriff's Deputies that Montero HAS BEEN STALKING HER

Hard on the heels of this report came word from the Bellevue Washington Police Department that the same woman filed a sexual assault complaint against Montero on March 22.

According to the ever-vigilent IVES GALARCEP the Sounders are telling local media that Montero "has the flu" and won't be accompanying the team to Toronto today.

This is most certainly good news for TFC - who by the way are ENCOURAGING THEIR "BOISTEROUS" FANS TO THROW STUFF ON THE FIELD THIS WEEKEND - and will challenge Sigi Schmid to come up with an Offensive Plan B.

The less said about the ugly display of ineptitude shown by the Columbus Crew in Rio Tinto last night the better. Injuries - Jason Garey, carried off the field on a stretcher last night being just the latest - combined with bad timing (internationals all played the day before while other teams will have theirs available this weekend) still doesn't explain, for example, Wil Hesmer's sudden unfamiliarity with the fundamentals of goalkeeping.

At the same time, Robbie Findlay's first-ever-in-team-history Hat Trick is a tremendous way for Jason Kreis and the Church of Latter Day Taints* to kick off their home season.

In case you had something better to do last night, like rearrange your sock drawer, welcome to Findlays' dream and Hesmer's nightmare:

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aliPpvTTUE"]YouTube - Columbus Crew at Real Salt Lake - Game Highlights 04/02/09[/ame]

If RSL can manage to live up to expectations and the local citzenry can be convinced to come to that splendid stadium, the perennially weak Western Division may be theirs by default.

I don't begin to understand the issues involved in this DC-to-Maryland kerfuffle, and I'd be happy to have someone explain it all to me.

What I can say with some certainly is that WHEN YOU CAN'T EVEN GET THEM TO APROVE A STUDY it's safe to say that there are some serious issues yet to be resolved.

I'm sorely tempted to dig right in and poke fun at THIS REALLY DUMB ARTICLE but I've expended my allotment of snark for the week and have to take a pass.

Suffice it to say that playing in the NASL over 30 years ago really serves to give him literally nothing in the way of insight into MLS.

In fairness though, he did get two things right: Cruyff, Beckenbauer, Neeskens and Pele HAVE in fact retired (I recall reading that someplace) and the weather is still pretty nice.

After that - well, like I said, I'll take a pass.

* Hat tip to NORDECKE LUCHADOR for the best line I read this week.