Welcome to MLS, New York Red Bulls!


Major League Soccer, the United States of America's FIFA sanctioned First Division Professional football league, opened it's 14th season in Seattle last night as the expansion New York team took on the Sounders.

Naturally, being a rookie side in their first-ever game, the Red Bulls looked a little shaky, particularly in the back, but defense is always the last thing to get worked out so NYRB's nascent fans will need to be patient with it.

And of course Seattle was able to use their familiarity and experience to play the kind of possession game a veteran outfit like that is known for, while the Bulls, obviously a bit nervous on their debut, tried to play the over-the-top long ball game that is the hallmark of a team that's still in the process of finding itself.

To tell the truth though, the match failed to grab me so I kept switching over to catch glimpses of Hell's Kitchen, where Gordon Ramsey - who either did or didn't play two games with Rangers a while back - was having the same kind of problems with his team that Juan Carlos Osorio was experiencing in Qwest Stadium.

So I'm a little confused as to whether it was Kevin Goldthwaite or Lacey the fat chick trying to cover Freddy Montero, but honestly I'm not sure it made much difference. Both of them move like they have Ford F150's strapped to their backs.

And why the blue team put Ben on the meat station is as inexplicable as why Osorio left Hall on the bench in favor of Boyens. Ramsey threw Ben out after the appropriate amount of hysterical shrieking and JCO did the same with Boyens (sans the hysterics) moving Mendes into the middle.

Unfortunately for both teams, it was 2-0 at around 34 minutes before the change was made, and it was already too late to salvage the Beef Wellingtons. Or the match.

Of course Ramsey also needed to send J to the meat locker, sort of like Osorio needed to do with Goldthwaite, although Robert, the obscenely obese guy, is probably faster and certainly less prone to hacking.

In the end it was Freddy - or maybe Giovanni - who sauteed himself a big old batch of Bull, with a lovely raspberry reduction and a black truffle rémoulade.

Still, we wish New York all the best of luck in the coming season. The life of an expansion team is never easy, but you certainly shouldn't let yourselves get down because of one frightfully bad performance.

You do need to find one or two guys who can at least spell defense, and maybe a midfielder who can hit water from a boat, but I'm certain that'll come with time. A couple more drafts, a few decent discoveries and you'll be playing with the kind of veteran panache you saw from the Sounders.

And remember, it could be worse; you could be working Gordon Ramsey's dessert station.

In other "news" from the Kinkoff, er, Kickoff Match, Commissioner Garber did a so-very-typical move with his "I'll be in Portland tomorrow to make an announcement but I can't tell you what that announcement will be". Hint hint, nudge nudge, say no more.

Of course, regular readers of the BS Homepage know that I made the announcement for him several days ago, but the larger question is:

Why does MLS always do this?

Every time they have some kind of announcement to make, they make sure that everyone already knows what it is before he ever gets near the microphones.

Don't they LIKE creating news stories? I just don't get it.