Rest in Peace MLS

I had to drive up from Philadelphia this morning, and it's a good thing for all concerned.

The two and a half hours I spent watching asphalt roll under my butt gave me time to cool down a little after having read THIS PIECE OF DOG EXCREMENT just before hitting the road.

(See? Right there's an example; a couple of hours ago "excrement" would have been a whole other word.)

(I would dearly love to turn this piece over to MondayMorning10Shirt for the counterpoint it so richly deserves. I'd pay good money to read that one.)

I always catch grief when I link to some imbecile with goose crap for brains like this, and there's some justification; his employer will look at the hit numbers and send him a memo congratulating him on a fine, insightful piece of writing, when in fact he ought to be fired or at least tied up in the lunchroom so that people can throw food at him.

Although maybe they already do that.

Anyway, this imbecile - a man with enough juice that he has his own column in the Toronto Star - has taken a considered look at the whole Beckham-to-Milan kerfuffle and come to the conclusion that this means that MLS is as good as dead and that the only decent thing to do, apparently, would be to pull the plug and end the suffering.

I thought he started out well, even cleverly:

"David Beckham and Major League Soccer have taken a page out of Cher's playbook in their divorce negotiations. They will split after all, but not before the farewell tour".

Not quite Loney caliber, but it's decent.

Then he makes what I thought was a very valid point; in reference to the agreement between the three parties, he comments that while it has some sizeable holes in the good sense department,

" does have the enviable attribute of allowing everyone involved to claim they've won. "

Indeed so. Everybody gets to save face, and maybe in the end that's all anybody really wanted. Well, except Beckham Inc., who wanted thier boy free of the contract they told him he should sign two years ago.

Then, in the midst of all this common sense, he lays this one on us:

"Only Beckham gets what he wants. MLS gets gut shot. This isn't just bad news for the league. It's a delayed death sentence. It may take years of decline – there are a lot of very rich people invested in this league right now – but it's a straight line from right now, from this failure, to the funeral."

"Gut shot"? "Delayed death sentence"? "Funeral"?

Maybe he's speaking, you know, in some sort of arcane Canadian vein of irony that the rest of us don't understand. Sort of like last week when FIFA Vice President Mohammed bin Hammann told reporters that he wanted to "cut the head off" of the President of the South Korean football federation.

(The next day he explained that "cut the head off" is just a sort-of funny Arab colloquialism, something not to be taken seriously, haha.)

I mean, surely he can't literally mean that David Beckham leaving town means that MLS will now wither and die, right?

Wrong. A few paragraphs later he returns to the theme, with a vengeance:

"Markets like Washington and Toronto will continue to enjoy the sort of contained fervour that MLS calls success, But the struggling ones will quickly hit the skids."

"Hit the skids"?

'The citizens of Dallas and Denver and Kansas City will stop pretending to care"

Whatever that means.

'So, shortly thereafter, will ESPN."

Welll they'd better wait until the long-term TV deal runs out or Mr. Process Server will beat a path to their door.

" Any sort of national presence is effectively gone. MLS is strictly regional from here on in."

Your guess is as good as mine.

"That puts the league, Toronto FC and hundreds of thousands of fans on notice that, barring a stroke of genius, the slow unravelling of Major League Soccer has begun."

So this is it, the end of MLS. Grab up all the souvenirs you can because they're about to become collectors items.

There are good sportswriters all over the US who are losing their jobs and up in Toronto this clown is making a living?

There's no justice.

I hope someone can clear something up for me.

Yesterday I tuned in to World Soccer Daily (I know, I know, but I wanted to hear the interview with Nick DeSantis) and I believe I heard Steve The Douchebag say the following:

"I want to say something to MLS fans; you know who I mean - the morons"

Did I hear that correctly? I almost drove off the road. I mean sure, we know he thinks that but lately he's been going to great lengths to assure everyone that he thinks MLS is just fine and he follows it closely.

(So closely, in fact, that not once but twice yesterday I heard him refer to the MLS team "in Kansas" and also heard him call the former league VP "Ivan Gazodo".

This was followed by him griping that some people claim to be big soccer fans in this country but don't know a thing about USL fter which, not five minutes later, he asked Impact GM DeSantis just who the group from Montreal was that bid on an MLS team adding "I know it wasn't you guys".

I quickly changed the channel to avoid doing damage to the interior of my wife's car, but I wonder if someone who heard this unhinged dimwit can clear some of this up for me.