O Brother, Where Art Thou

Size Doesn't Matter

Vote here to help name the Philadelphia MLS team.

As previously reported by Ives, your choices are:

Philadelphia Stinking Onions
A Soccer Team*
Philadelphia Phillie**
New York Cosmos***

And, my personal favorite:

Philadelphia Celestial Mother Superior.

...get it?


Lamentably, there's not a really obvious write-in alternative the way there was in Seattle. And it's a little late to hope that a fan base - especially one as pugnaciously disagreeable as (a) soccer fans mixed with (b) Philadelphia sports fans - will support a last minute suggestion. I had no less than three golden, brilliant ideas for them - "Philadelphia Experiment", "Philadelphia Fightin' Amish" and "Philadelphia Fresh Princes". But they failed to appreciate my genius.

So we're in critical danger of being stuck with years and years of "Hell's Bells! AC/DC Match Puts United Back In Black!!!" headlines.

Take Steve's advice, is my advice. Up and Atom!

Fine. It's not the greatest name in the world. But "Philadelphia Eagles" IS the greatest name in the world, and right now their fans want to burn them at the stake. "Atoms" is a little silly, but a little silly trumps a lot annoying. If Spiro Agnew were alive, he'd call the current choices pandering palliatives for pretentious poseurs.****

Come on, Philadelphia. Let's get small.

*"Philadelphia SC" just isn't boring enough.
**Inspired by the efforts to get "Philadelphia Athletic" as one of the choices.
***If you want to name the team after where they're not going to play, then why not go for a real headline-grabbing moneymaker? Feel free, by the way, to not bring up the many suburban teams whose names belie their stadium locations. Big, big difference between "Los Angeles Galaxy" and "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim." If a town is going to take a chance hosting your little tea party, the least you could do is not pee in the kettle.
****IS Spiro Agnew alive, actually? Well, I am on the Internet. Lemme check.*****
*****Nope. He's with the doornails now.