MLS Monday

Someone ring up MLS and get "Garber" (as they call him in St. Louis) on the phone - he's not exactly the right guy in this case, but since they've apparently included the Deputy Commissioner's job in their cost-cutting initiative along with the Reserve League, there really isn't much of anyone else - and let him know that Hope and Change (or, hell, folding money is good too) is breaking MLS's way.

For years now, MLS has had this nagging "Green Card" problem whereby players holding non-US passports had to jump through a myriad of bureaucratic hoops, in a process often taking several years, to qualify for a GC and thus get moved out of the limited "International Player" section of the roster.

The good news today is that THE GREEN CARD PROBLEM IS SOLVED.

The Federal Government has initiated a program whereby if you agree to buy a house in the US they'll automatically give you a green card and welcome you to our fair country. Of course, since all of a sudden you have to actually qualify for a loan which may mean that the teams would have to pass out a few raises, there may be some issues, but nobody says it's got to be a 6 bedroom McMansion. Even a condo will qualify.

Don't thank me, folks. Public service is my middle name.

Speaking of Hope and Change (or in his case, "Stealing Change" might be more apt) someone, somewhere, for some reason, has thrown out the Inaugural Red Carpet FOR JACK WARNER.

Apparently it was completely unexpected, as purportedly Warner had other plans, and he claims he doesn't know how it happened, which is most likely hogwash, but however it went down, Warner and another back-bencher from the minority party in Trinidad and Tobago got gold-plated invites, including hotel rooms and tickets to one of the balls.

I have nothing to add here. Nothing at all. Nope.

Kenny Deuchar has reportedly "reached an agreement" with RSL and has SIGNED A DEAL WITH HAMILTON ACCIES for the balance of th season.

In one of the few Scottish league facts I happen to know - pretty close to the only one, frankly - "Accies" is short for "Academicals" a name which MLS ought to consider.

Maybe the plastic grass isn't any kind of a problem for the Miami/FIU MLS bid, AS JEFF RUSNICK CLAIMS with absolutely no evidence whatsoever, but it's not an encouraging sign that Chile refuses to play there.

He then seems to contradict himself when he admits that "it would be a pity to have a club with FC Barcelona's pure soccer ethic playing on fake grass".

Excuse me? Barca (the La Liga side) still intends, as far as I know, to continue playing in Spain, and FC Barcelona is a non-existent MLS team whose non-existent play it's difficult to characterize as having a "pure soccer ethic".

The piece also contains a chuckle-worthy quote from Sigi Schmid, who used to complain bitterly about the stuff when he coached in Columbus, but now that he's in Seattle he wants us to know that any problems are mostly in player's heads.

Nobody ever accused the Round One of not being a company man.

I have to admit that I never followed Darren Huckerby all that closely before he landed in San Jose (after, coincidentally, refusing to play on FieldTurf in Toronto) but the guy has way too much integrity to be a professional athlete in this century.

To say that he was beloved by the fans at Norwich City seems to be a gross understatement. Worshiped does not seem like too strong a word.

And as you probably know, when new coach Glenn Roeder decided Huckerby was excess to his needs, the guy announced that since he couldn't conceive of ever suiting up against the Canaries, he was leaving the league altogether.

SO LAST WEEK WHEN ROEDER GOT THE SACK - we'll ask Ollie why that was but I'm thinking crummy results were most likely involved - the question of his return came up almost immediately, a question which was easy to ask considering that he's over there attending Norwich City games.

His response:

"I love the club as much as the next man, but I am under contract with another club and they went out of their way to get me, they flew me halfway around the world to join them and I have always been a person who believed in loyalty,

"I will show the same loyalty to San Jose as I would to Norwich.

Yeah, he's "under contract" to the Quakes, but if he wanted to make a stink and/or push for a transfer he could certainly do so. The fact that he won't says a lot about the man.

In case you missed it, the team physician for Gremio in Brazil HAS OPINED THAT SOCCER PLAYERS COULD BENEFIT FROM A PRE-GAME DOSE OF VIAGRA

I'm going to skip making cheap, crass and unnecessary comments about Hugh Hefner playing center mid for LA this year or anything of the kind, or wonder if this will greatly benefit RSL forward Wil Johnson, or if Willy Guadarrama will get another shot with KC or anything of the sort.

JACK BELL has an interesting piece about WSL draftee Brandi Chastain who, at age 40, is going to try and tee it up with the kids.

I'm not sure, but if she's not older than WSL commissioner Tonya Antonucci, she's pretty close. She's also older than Mia Hamm and Julie Foudy and about the same age as recent HoF inductee Joy Fawcett.

I hope this isn't basically a publicity thing, but if she doesn't mind having a bunch of ponytails running around calling her Granny, well, go for it.