MLS Draft 2008: SnoozaPalooza

Heck of a day.

Cable went out last night, possibly due to the Arctic climate (repeat after me: "it's weather, not climate; it's weather not climate; it's weather not climate").

I was pretty jacked about it. Screamed at the poor, innocent clock puncher who had the bad luck to answer the phone at the cable company when I called. The fourth time.

I mean, today of all days: no TV no internet, while down in St. Louis all the drama we've been promised all week long was -playing out and I might as well have been in France.

Finally, right around pick # 28, I got the net back. Eagerly, with trembling fingers I logged on to mlsnet to catch up with the excitement that is the MLS Draftapalooza.

(Hey, they want to keep calling it the Superdraft even though, frankly, it's just a regular old draft, then I get to make up a stupid name too. Yeah, I know, they came up with that when they combined all those other drafts they used to have into the one, but there aren't 50 guys around here who know that. For everyone else in the world it's just a bogus, cheezy, phony-baloney Vince McMahonish attempt to make it sound important. If the NFL, NBA and NHL don't feel the need to call thier drafts "super" then maybe we could stop sounding like the XFL..)

Anyway, so I eagerly checked in, looking for all the swapping, wheeling, dealing and Trader-Mo'ing, with players flying around like dollar chips in the cheapass section of a second rate casino.

Sigi was sure to trade down. Zakuani's stock was falling. No way Toronto wanted to use all three picks. Everybody was "jockeying for position", trying to move up to get this guy or that. Big names dropping like bags of dirt; guys nobody ever heard of suddenly going in the first round and MLS veterans all across the country breaking he news to the little woman that they're moving to Salt Lake. It's the SUPERdraft, and I couldn't wait to see all the SUPER stuff I had missed out on.

Then I get to the Drafttracker and I thought for a minute I'd stumbled onto a second rate Mock Draft by some not particularly imaginative blogger. No trades, no deals, no Mo'ing, no Sigirific slights of hand, nothing. Just the players everybody said would go early doing just that.

I remember looking over the various mock drafts the day after the real one last year and noticing that NOBODY got a single pick right.

This year, apparently instead of actually paying attention at the combine, the coaches sat around Ft. Lauderdale absolutely stone drunk and then printed up Buzz Carrick's Top 20 list and headed to the convention hall.

The only shocker was when a Generation adidas kid set a world record for free falling when Daniel Cruz dropped to the middle of the third. Seriously, how bad was your combine when an MLS team won't take you FOR FREE?

Some of you may not know that GenA's aren't randomly selected by a panel of degenerate alcoholics. Rather, each and every one of them is "requested" by at least one team. Then, if the kid signs, the team that asked for him has to take him if nobody else does. Of course anybody else can take him if they want, but in the end if they don't, then he's yours.

Congratulations Houston.

Otherwise, has there ever been a draft day in MLS or any other league in the history of the universe when there were literally no transactions at all? None, zip, zero?

I wouldn't have thought it was even possible.

Overall, Time Warner can go ahead and take my connection down again. Aside fromt Chris Clements of the University of Tulsa being the newly crowned "Mr. Irrelevant 2009", pretty much everything else we knew a week ago.

There oughta be a law.