In a dramatic turn of events, Mexican League stalwarts Pachuca has "SECURED AN MLS FRANCHISE" and will begin play in 2010.
According to team President Jesus Martinez, the team will play in Florida and be named Orlando Tuzos USA.
If you're waiting for the punchline, I'm afraid you're going to have to keep waiting.
Those of you who have more Spanish than I do ARE WELCOME TO INTERPRET THIS ARTICLE DIFFERENTLY and gain my gratitude.
Martinez is quoted as saying that he bought the team six months ago and "everything has been decided so that we can help structure soccer in MLS and develop a competitive team."
One has to assume that Martinez is either a) out of his mind b) stone drunk or c) referring to another league, say USL1.
But the writer quotes him as specifically referring to "MLS" and he surely ought to know who it is he wrote the check to.
Or maybe Francisco Marcos is running a scam where he meets you in some diner in the middle of the night and sells you a USL franchise but cons you into believing you're buying into MLS with a bogus certificate he printed up on his Macbook.
In which case the misspellings should have been a giveaway.
One of the big stories of MLS 2008 was the "retirement" of the Galaxy's Defender of the Year, Ty Harden, after only one year, to pursue charitable works. Or something.
Today the Colorado Rapids acquired Harden's rights for a thrid round pick in Thursday's Superdraft. Presumably they expect the guy to show up, but there is no independent confirmation of that fact.
Here's a drama-filled, overblown video of Landon Donovan getting his first assist with Bayern:
And if that's not enough Donovan-centric excitement for you, here's a link, courtesy of SoccerAmerica's Mike Woitalla, of Donovans' goal yesterday: