News of the Strange

From the guys at THE ORIGINAL WINGER comes this extremely disturbing video. Who knew that Sprockets was a real show?

(Give it about half a minute to get, um, interesting.)

"Do you want to touch my monkey?"

[youtube]JSyhDbV9wHo[/youtube]

Yes, this was from the '70s, and no, flitting about like Tinkerbelle wasn't cool then either.

This has been discussed elsewhere, and I know I'm a bit late to the party here, but isn't PROVIDING REFEREES WITH CANS OF PAINT to use in marking off ten yards for free kicks just a bit too much?

Yeah, sure, like everybody else I'm sick to death of seeing a ref mark off the wall and then step back and watch three or four grown men take little tiny baby steps forward until the ball is kicked. It's ridiculous and shows a complete lack of respect for the referee and the game.

But does the referee really need to paint a line on the turf to see this happening?

Maybe what they really need to do is send the referee out there with a big old spray can of backbone.

Or better yet, TAKE THE SUGGESTION OF NOTED BS POSTER ZIPSIX

"The referee should also be given spray to use in a player's face every time they get mugged by five or six players complaining about a free kick decision."

Now that's a change I can get behind.

From THE OFFSIDE RULES comes some photos of Americas Best and Brightest young stars (Sacha Kljesten, Charlie Davies, Benny Feilhaber, Robbie Rogers, Stuart Holden among others) doing the Vegas thing.

I just want to know who they stuck with the tab.

I also hope that, being the fine, upstanding young men that they are they didn't imitate Bob Bradley who, AS REPORTED BY TRIBALFOOTBALL, seems to think that it's OK to hit knockers.

I wonder how Mrs. Bradley feels about this.

If none of that strikes your strangeoid bone this morning, there's the always-good-for-a-laugh CONCACAF Supremo Jack Warner, who is SPEAKING OUT AGAINST GRAFT, THEFT AND HIGH LIVING ON SOMEONE ELSE"'S DIME.

Of course, it's not Sepp Blatter (or himself) that he's referring to, it's T&T Sports Minister Gary Hunt who Jack feels is on the take.

And if Jack Warner crusading against officials abusing their positions for personal gaim isn't funny to you, well, there's just not much I can do to help you.

Finally, on a personal note:

Since we all know that the US economy is passed out cold in a gutter, surrounded by a large pile of empty MD 20-20 bottles and laying in a puddle of it's own waste, you'd figure one could at least get a decent parking spot at the malls.

Apparently though the American people are using their last few pennies to buy enough gas to get to a shopping center so they can walk, ragged and zombie-like, through all the stores, catching one last glimpse of what prosperity used to look like before the long dark night of soup kitchens and bread lines turns the entire retail landscape into a scene from The Grapes of Wrath starring Dan Loney as Ma Joad:

Rich fellas come up an' they die, an' their kids ain't no good an' they die out. But we keep a'comin'. We're the people that live. They can't wipe us out; they can't lick us. We'll go on forever, Pa, 'cause we're the Galaxy.

Hey, say what you want: making light of worldwide human pain and misery is much safer than mentioning Seattle Sounders FC in any context other than making suggestions for trophy case designs.

I'd rather face the moral outrage of the entire national citizenry than have to put up with any more of that gawdawful whining. I feel like I should offer TFC fans an apology; at least they have, you know, a team and have played games and stuff.

They've earned the right to be a little ticked off.

Hell, they've got Mo Johnston; that all by itself is enough to put anyone in a bad mood.

Still in the interests of full disclosure, I must confess that, unlike Canada, which I loathe for no particular reason except naked, ignorant, xenophobic bigotry, I do have a few very specific complaints with regard to Seattle:

1) That horrible Bobby Sherman song:

[youtube]cH1jGCRCrh4[/youtube]

2) Microsoft cursing Western civilization with Windows, a Nuremberg-caliber crime against humanity.

3) The bloodsucking corporate overlords of Starbucks, the noted purveyor of overpriced beverages brewed with burned coffee beans, just shut down the store that was seven minutes from my house in PA.

4) I once got so hammered drinking Moosehead that I actually thought Rosie O"Donnel was kinda hot. (Oh wait, that's Canada again; nevermind)

5) Did I mention the Bobby Sherman thing?

So let's all be just a little tolerant today.

And let's be careful out there.