Saturday Night's for Fighting

Someone forwarded me THIS LINK TO ANOTHER DREARY, HACKNEYED "BECKHAM IS A FAILURE STORY which I would normally just file away in the "hopeless imbeciles who don't get it" file and move along, but this line caught my eye:

Do they have real reason to be confident? Or is Michael Cramer, professor of sports management at New York University, right when he says: “I have real doubts Major League Soccer as we know it will make it in the next 20 to 25 years”?

The day a reporter can't find some cloistered, smug, academic shut-in who'll agree with whatever mind-numbed premise he's promoting is the day I'll start taking these random quotes from "Periwinkle Q. Coedbanger, Adjunct Professor of Pointless Blather" seriously.

Just because some university is able to extort large, financially unjustifiable amounts of money from ignorant parents and gullible students and force said children to sit in uncomfortable chairs for two hours a week while they spew forth whatever naval-gazing drivel they feel like expounding upon doesn't, per se, mean they know jack squat.

(Just as an aside, now that George Bush is on his way out of the White House and Barack Obama is on his way in, what in the world will the 80% of American College professors who've spent the better part of the last decade boring their students senseless with their political views now spend assigned class periods talking about? You don't suppose there's some chance they'll have to go back to teaching what they were hired to teach do you? Shocking.)

And, frankly, if I'm trying to determine whether an endeavor, athletic or otherwise, has the likelihood of a profitable future in the US, I'm going to take the opinion of, say, Phil Anschutz or Clark Hunt or someone else who has - and continues to - invest large sums of their own money in whatever it is.

People, in other words, who have proven that they understand money, how to make huge amounts of it, what it can accomplish and how to leverage it for the future) as opposed to some pencil-necked geek who's never made more than $70,000 a year in his life (and who couldn't make half that if he was required to go out in the world and make an honest living) and wouldn't know a good investment if it walked into the room where some juicy young sophomore is working on raising her D to a B with some extracurricular humming and whacked him alongside the head with a tire iron.

re: Toronto - to me, these are possibly the most arrogant, obnoxious "fans" in sports history, and that takes in one hell of a lot of territory.

I never fully appreciated it until they started with the banners and the marching and the chanting: "We deserve better".

They "deserve"? Excuse me? To me, Dallas fans "deserve" something at this point. New York fans "deserve" a little something too. Colorado fans too. Columbus fans stuck with that outfit for 13 long, dreary years before finally getting a payback.

Toronto has been here for two lousy years and they "deserve" something?

To them - and this is positively undeniable - they are the greatest fans in history, and the team isn't good enough for them. They have a RIGHT to a better team and TFC simply needs to win more games so that they can become worthy of these tremendous fans.

Is this not the most singularly unbelievable pile of crap ever? How can anyone be that egotistical, that arrogant, that obnoxious?

They honestly believe that they are the best outfit in MLS and it's the fans that make it so. Foolish us, we thought the best outfit in MLS was the one that kicked everybody's ass and won the Cup. Silly us.

Unfortunately for them, it used to be mostly Crew fans who recognized what total assholes these people are. But over the past few months, the rest of the league has begun to wake up to what complete shitheads that bunch truly is. The secret is out.

Their response is typical as well: it's just that the rest of the league is jealous of how wonderful their fans are.

Absolutely unbelievable.

The kicker now is that they are stunned - positively gobsmacked - that Montreal wasn't ushered in to MLS by acclamation, with the multitudes laying palm fronds in the path of Joey Saputo's triumphant entry.

Although in his case, riding in on an ass would mean Joey carrying someone on his back.

Why are they surprised? Because Montreal was supposed to be their "great, great rival" and of course the league, in view of how wonderful Toronto's fans are, would want another outfit just like them. They figured that if nothing else Don Garber would sneak into Columbus with a demolition team and blow CCS sky high if he had to, and then crawl to Quebec on his hands and knees and beg Saputo and Gillett to come take their place.

They probably figured MLS would waive the fee entirely, just for the privelege of including another Canadian team, a playmate for Toronto.

It certainly appears that Joey Saputo thought the same thing. He's currently busy harrumphing into any available microphone about how it appears to him "that MLS must not want Montreal" so badly after all.

Never mind the fact that he refused to pony up the same price that everyone else is willing to pay. That's not relevant, because this is, after all MONTREAL we're talking about here.

And Saputo - along with Toronto and the rest of the Chosen Frozen up there - honestly felt that the Impact winning the Canada Cup and advancing in the CONCACAF Phoney-Baloney "Let's Make Jack and Chuck Some Money" Tournament meant that MLS was salivating at the very idea of those titanic Saturday afternoon classicos between Real Salt Lake and Joey's Band of Merry Cheese Eaters.

All Summer long, Canadian media has been pushing stories about how the Impact's "success" was really putting the pressure on MLS and was "making it hard" for the other candidate cities, the theory being that what MLS was out shopping for was the best existing team they could find.

Indeed, Saputo felt that his ace in the hole was that he planned on bringing his entire roster directly into the league, thereby allowing all of North America to enjoy the beauty and wonder that is Impact soccer as they stomped their way through DC, New England, Houston, Chicago and the rest.

Well guess what, boys? Taking a home and home series from some Costa Rican side nobody ever heard of does not - contrary to what you obviously thought - get you a ten million dollar discount on MLS membership.

What's more, the MLS Board of Governors would not have cared one damn bit if the entire Impact team, complete with trainers, coaches and equipment managers, went down in a fiery, no-survivors plane crash. Wouldn't have affected their view of Saputo's bid one iota.

It ain't The Impact that MLS wants. Just the money. Beyond that, nobody cares.

Welcome to reality. We're having some jackets made.

In the meantime, please accept one complementary "$40 million U.S. means $40 million U.S." t-shirts with our complements.

This ain't your local Peugeot dealership, Pal; (Pal Joey - get it? No? Nevermind) the sticker price isn't a jumping off point for negotiations, and nobody is going to sneak you a peek at the super secret "dealer invoice".

It is what it is.