Joey, Joey, Joey

I just want to put everyone on notice that I fully intend to keep right on blogging until they pry this laptop from my cold, dead fingers.

Unfortunately, that day may not be as far off as I might otherwise have hoped.*

So while we're waiting to see what happens, the ever-vigilant STEVEN GOFF posted a link to A SUMMARY OF MONTREAL OWNER JOEY SAPUTO"S PRESSER in response to Big Don's Friday bombshell: the announcement that Montreal had "dropped" their MLS expansion bid.

Cutting to the chase here, let me summarize the entire history of Crazy Joey's relationship with MLS:

1) In 1999, he was offered the opportunity to buy an MLS team for $10 million; he told reporters that "it isn't worth it" at that price.

2) In 2008, he was offered the chance to bid on an MLS expansion team for $40 million; he told reporters that it isn't worth it at that price.

Because after you read all of Saputo's monumentally self-serving baloney, what it comes down to is this:

Major League Soccer said that they were looking to sell two new teams for 40 million samoleons and anyone with the cash should step right up.

Saputo and George Gillett thereupon submitted a bid for Montreal that included a significantly smaller offer, and MLS rejected the bid on that basis.

How much less? We really don't know. Saputo says that their "total private investment" was tabbed at $45 million. Since the ballpark number being tossed around for "expanding" Stade Saputo by adding one more set of cheezy bleachers and throwing up a row of "luxury boxes" was around $15 million, then it would appear that Joey figured he could get a 25% discount based on his good looks.

Here are the reasons he gave why Montreal should be given a 10 million dollar spiff:

We continue to have success on the field

Read: We won some CONCACAF games

We have unprecedented experience in sports and entertainment marketing

"Unprecedented experience"? As opposed towho, exactly?

We have an existing expandable soccer specific-stadium

Blah, blah, blah

And we have an experienced player roster that wouldn’t dilute the overall player pool.

My favorite!

He's apparently saying that he'd forego any expansion draft and simply come into the league with his current USL1 roster intact.

See, here you guys thought that all the silly blather about how the Impact winning a few CONCACAF matches and beating Toronto meant little or nothing.

Not to Joey; to him, they were absolute proof that the Impact, as currently constituted, can take on any MLS team on an equal basis and do it over a 30 game league schedule.

No, seriously.

He wants to emphasize that they do have the money, they're just choosing not to spend it, as they consider the asking price to be too high.

Well, Joey, see, you're not alone in that. many, many people feel the same way.

But the price is the price. If you think it's too high, you say "no thanks" and go on your way.

But he's been reading and hearing for years now, from just about everone, that Montreal was a great, great opportunity for MLS. You know the drill: the instant rivalry with Toronto, the color and excitement on "real" fans in a multicultural city, the "existing MLS-capable stadium", on and on and on until apparently, he became convinced that Don Garber needed him more than he needed Don Garber.

I have no doubt that he fully expected MLS to accept his bid; how could they not? Another great Canadian soccer town, an existing great team, why they should have to pay HIM to join their league, not the other way around.

Well, sorry Joey. Just about anyone could have told you that the first principle of MLS is: money talks, bullshit walks.

Enjoy USL1 pal. Maybe someday, when the price is $100 million, we can do the whole thing all over again.

* OK, perhaps an exaggeration. I just really feel like crap at the moment.