Oh, there's your false god, I see him now

Spoiler shield below.


Huh. Didn't see that coming.

You know who's in trouble? You know who just stapled on the "Kick Me" sign? You know who just found themselves up a particularly pungent creek? You know who's not an insurable risk right now? You know who needs to go out right this second and buy some iron underwear?

We'll have plenty of time to talk about the past and future of the Houston Dynamo, the weirdest dynasty of the world's weirdest league. But any time a good team puts up a gag job like this afternoon, and they have a chance to take out their frustrations in weeks rather than months? Luis Angel Firpo FC - you should have taken your chances with the hurricane.

I was all set to write a "Ha ha, I picked all four winners in the first round" post, too. Parity or no parity, this was the biggest upset in MLS history.