TNF: We're out to save the world - yeah!

Holy crap! Someone's poisoning our players!

Jeff Parke and Jon Conway took an over-the-counter supplement that contained banned substances? Well, what the hell was the over-the-counter supplement? They gotta tell us! The company needs to know! Other players might take it inadvertently! Hell, you and I might be taking it inadvertently! People who have heart conditions or allergies or whatever! This is a public health crisis! Why aren't they coming forward? Why? Why? Why?

Did I run that into the ground? I knew there was comedy there, but I think I overdid it. Oh, well.

Oh, WNFtermath: the main problem with the Earthquakes is that they dropped all the points, at home, against beatable division rivals. A nine point swing against both CUSA and RSL is the difference between playoffs and jagoffs. Having said all that...if San Jose fans want to curse Hurricane Ike, go ahead. Athletes and coaches are superstitious to begin with, and the Quakes were doing a Wile E. Coyote in mid-air act in their winning streak anyway. Mojo-breaking in that situation had predictable consequences - they're probably the one team in the West you'd feel bad for missing the playoffs.

And when did the Dynamo become, well, big old meanies?

Progratulations*, Ed. You sure showed that expansion team what's what. When you meet the Crew in MLS Cup this year, will that be to prove which team is closer to the Gulf of Mexico, or something?

Okay, tonight's game. I forgot until I looked at the standings that DC United isn't out of the playoff chase by any means. If they win tonight, and MLS cancels the rest of the regular season without allowing Kansas City, New York, Colorado, Salt Lake or Dallas to make up the game, DC is IN, BABY.

Allegedly, the playoffs make every game meaningful...except, we usually forget to factor in the teams that have already sealed their playoff fates. Like New England, whose big lesson for the past week was "Don't Get Injured!" I cannot fathom the Revs trying their hardest for this game, I absolutely can't. In fact, Revs fans should be more ticked off if they do. What, they couldn't even be bothered to hit the snooze button for the US Open Cup, but they got lead in the pencil for the Play Out The String Bowl? Did Steve Nicol smear lamb's blood over Gillette, so the Angel of Priorities would pass, or something? DC, 1-0.

Oh, wait! IS there something for New England to play for?

*....okay, if pro is the opposite of con....you know, like the opposite of "progress." HA HA POLITICAL HUMOR I have range