Our Dear Leader Sepp Blatter met with reporters in Brussels today, where presumably he's not stuck in a room with Vlad and Dieter, unless the Techno Twins can shell out for $5000 a night hotel suites.
He passed along a couple of items of interest, mostly concerning the handling of the next three World Cups, hinting at a process that only Jack Warner has previously mentioned, which seems to be their plan for riding off into the sunset together.
We all know of course that the number one source of big money bribes, lavish entertainment, high living and leveraging personal power for personal gain is in the selling - excuse me, the awarding of the World Cup to the various countries which will do anything - anything at all - to get it for themselves.
And that's only the beginning. From there, you can then get to work on broadcast rights - although it's doubtful Sepp will hand over all Caribbean broadcast rights for three consecutive World Cups to Jack Warner for One Dollar, as he did a few years ago) - corporate sponsorships, hotel deals, even OFFICIAL HOSPITALITY CONTRACTORS whose job is to ensure that Sepp and his guests are treated like the royalty they truly are.
It's a cornucopia of money, and since Swiss prosecutors failed to get a conviction this summer despite holding FIFA records showing bribes and graft flowing like Märzen in an Oktoberfest tent - the court ruled it was a "private matter" - he and his loyal associates intend to belly up to the bar.
The only problem is that Blatter, who is now 74 years old, has already presided over the 2014 award (Brazil) and is now beginning the lengthy process of awarding the 2018 rights, by which time he'll be 84 and besides almost certainly not being head of FIFA any more, he may not even be amongst the living.
Meanwhile, he has all these countries ready and eager to bend over and drop their pants - not to mention their wallets - for the rights to a World Cup. Way more than he can possibly pretend are serious candidates.
The solution is amazingly simple: he intends to preside over the awarding of the next two World Cups at the same time.
That way, Europe can fight each other for 2018 and "the Americas" as Blatter puts it, along with Australia, China and a few others can get to work kissing his ass in hopes of nabbing the 2022 bid.
Fourteen years from now.
So he and, most particularly, the 24 members of the FIFA Executive committee who ultimately decide these things - as notorious Blatter "adviser" and international fixer Peter Hargitay put it "you haven't got to convince the whole world, just 13 greedy old men"- can spend the next several years globehopping in private planes and staying in exclusive hotels and being showered with the best the world has to offer, including the finest of rentable females carrying envelopes stuffed with cash, all in the name of "fact finding" and "facility inspections" and "listening to presentations" and whatever other euphemisms for graft you can come up with in a dozen or more countries all over the planet. It could very well become a full time job.
And you wonder why the FIFA Executive Board does anything he asks them to.
In other news from Brussels, the Polish Government has agreed to a compromise with FIFA: they'll do everything Sepp Blatter demands of them and FIFA agrees not to laugh out loud..
In a last minute deal which the Poles are saying was negotiated with FIFA but which FIFA is saying was negotiated for them by ousted PZPN President Listkiewicz, the Polish government agreed to fire the "administrator" they appointed and whom they swore they would never forsake, turn the PZPN over to the administration they fired for corruption, and will organize the upcoming elections under a joint FIFA, UEFA and Polish government "advisory board".
Elections in which, incidentally, the same people the government fired will be re-elected.
In Poland, they're calling this "Standing up to FIFA and refusing to be intimidated"
Everywhere else, this is called "abject surrender"