If you missed last night's Dallas-San Jose match, there's not much I can say that will adequately explain it to you.
Purely as an artistic endeavor, it came up pretty short. Both these teams desperately needed the win, and they both came out looking as tight as an old maid's....well., they looked really, really tight. Maybe it's late season fatigue, maybe it's down-to-the-wire playoff pressure, maybe it's just that both these teams have been on a non-stop roller coaster all season long.
Whatever the reason, if you're a fan of flow and style and, well, good solid soccer, you were better off watching C.C. Sabathia doing his annual "grab-my-throat-with-both-hands-and-squeeze" playoff choke for a Brewers team who found out, like Cleveland before them, that Superman has clay feet.
And if for some perverse reason you're a fan of good refereeing, spending the evening washing your cat was a much better use of the time.
Because soccer aside, this game was memorable only because of two reasonably awful decisions by referee Abby Okulaja.
The first one came when Ben Olsen's "playing soccer in the aisles at Dick's while Dawson gets a Beckham shirt" buddy Dulio Davino inexplicably reached up and laid a swat on a bouncing ball just outside the box that looked like Roger Federer hitting a first serve:
How that's not "preventing an Obvious Goal Scoring Opportunity" I'll leave to you.
Then, just to make sure everyone understands that he's an equal-opportunity incompetent, he awarded Dallas an 86th minute penalty kick for this Francisco Lima "handball":
Still, the guy with the biggest complaint might be Jeff "They let me use the locker room here" Cunningham, whose penalty area mugging in the 60th minute drew nothing but a yawn from the man with the whistle:
But a few minutes later, Okulaja felt the need to issue Cunningham a yellow for this - well, I don't know what to call it:
So it's one point each, which doesn't do much to sort out the playoff picture for anyone, but it does make every single one of this weekend's games even more "interesting" for all concerned.
I can't wait.