Dan, you ignorant slut.
"The most interesting game of the week" turned out to be right there in your metaphorical back yard. (Where, presumably, your metaphorical dog does his metaphorical business)
Now, I'm reading this morning how LA is suddenly practically a shoe-in for the Cup, how they're finally "on track" and have shaken "the monkey off their back" and LandonDavidEddie will probably never lose another match as they command the very stars to align themselves to spell out GALAXY across the southern skies.
Well I love a good fantasy as much as anyone, although mine usually involve Traci Lords, Pebble Beach and single malt scotch, but no matter:
The important thing is that for the next week at least, soccer writers of all stripes will have something to blabber about. So I thought I'd avoid the rush and get mine in there first.
(And unlike with the Charles Renken piece I did last week, when half the bloggers in the country do the same piece tomorrow I'll know that they probably found the LA story without my help)
And aside from Donovan's hat trick, Edson Buddle's monumental incompetence and Bruce Arena finaly getting a chance to run out his well-practiced smugness, the lingering question I have from last night is:
Did Marc Burch have some kind of a stroke or something? Been doing a lot of drugs? Having hallucination problems?
Because here on planet MLS, where he makes his living playing soccer, he can't possibly have thought that putting two hands on God and giving him a mighty shove so that he flies 15 feet and slams into the ad boards was going to go unnoticed.
And unlike Kevin Goldthwaite, who stood there whacking Robbie Rogers on the legs until even functional illiterate Alex Prus noticed and sent him off, a punishment he manfully accepted without a word or even a glance, Burch chose to earnestly plead his case with Terry Vaughn.
What on Earth could he possibly have said? "Gosh, Terry, Beckham just sort of took off like a sea tern and dove head first into that sign on pupose. Honest."
Or maybe "Well, me and the boys were talking and since everyone thinks Becks is such an angel we wanted to see if he can fly".
The bottom line in this one was that the team with the worst defense in the league played the team with the second worst defense in the league and, unsurprisingly, a whole bunch of goals got scored.
Put another way, the team that has given up the most road goals in the league went on the road and gave up five goals.
(Actually, it was only four; Donovan was clearly offside on the last one)
The only really relevant point would seem to be that, as of today at least, DC is still in the playoffs and LA is still out.
Speaking of out, poor, misunderstood "Whining John" Carver got an early trip to the locker room last night.
He was unhappy about the fact that his team, which managed exactly no shots on goal in 90 minutes and which, in fact, looked bored, disinterested and badly overmatched against a less than stellar KC team, got called for a PK.
The fact that he was fortunate not to be down 5 or 6 - nil at that point wasn't relevant, apparently.
Look John, I know we're not exactly the best of freinds, but take it from me: your team played crummy, maybe as badly as I've seen any team play all season, and you lost.
What's more, your team hasn't beaten anyone except the Rapids since May 31, a stretch of 20 games which has long since become alarming in it's suckitude.
Somehow, you got all the writers and bloggers and nattering nabobs to hold the towel while you cried about losing a game because you were missing a bunch of players, neatly sidestepping the reality, which is that your team is, well, lousy.
And how's Carlos Ruiz working out for you?
Meanwhile, the Stormin Mormons, who hven't lost in Rice-Eccles Stadium all season long, played their last-ever game in Rice-Eccles last night and lost on the basis of this monumental piece of soccer skill:
Rimando and Borchers are veteran players, and stuff like this just shouldn't happen.
Be that as it may, the Chivas win combined with the Rapids draw means that, unbelieveably, Seedy Chivas is now in second place in the West and have KC next weekend.
Some teams just find a way.
The New England Revolution gave an absolutely putrid offensive performance, not even getting a shot until the 50th minute.
Unfortunately for the Rapids, that shot went into the net, drawing them even at 1 goal apiece.
The only other item of great note was the one Michael Kennedy blew to end the game just as Colin Clark was receiving a cross inside the Revs penalty area.
And so it goes.